


Shoujomonogatari: Ginko Dragon

by liese



Series: Himiko Arc [2]
Category: Bakemonogatari
Genre: Dark Past, Emotional Baggage, F/F, Female Friendship, First Love, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2019-11-28 13:56:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 35,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18209210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liese/pseuds/liese
Summary: "This is a story about consequences.The consequences of my actions, and the consequences of my inaction.The consequences of my white lies – my lies.However, it is not just my story."A sequel to Shikimonogatari: Himiko War, Ginko Dragon follows Himiko after she leaves the shrine by the lake, and it tells the tale of a group of girls who abandoned their names and their past.





	1. 001

This was not a story I planned to share.  
Admittedly, the previous tale was meant to be a stand-alone – and it is written as one.  
But – if you are willing to listen to me some more, then I recommend you to read the first instalment beforehand.

That’s right.

This – This is a story about consequences.

The consequences of my actions, and the consequences of my inaction.  
The consequences of my white lies – my lies.

However, it is not just my story.

After leaving the shrine by the lake, I travelled three days and three nights to my new home; you might even say, to my new life. Secluded in the forest was a small temple, and a school just as small that housed one matron and six girls.

The matron, who only went by Toji*.  
Michiko.  
Hyouko.  
Yukiko.  
Chisako.

Himeko.  
And Ginko.

Even though by then Suiten had quite ruined my beauty standards, Ginko was so delicately beautiful it would have been hard to be indifferent to it. One year older than me, she had hair of a silver colour and deep red eyes, and a voice to match her frail-looking appearance.  
“You can say that because you are a weirdo like the lot of us.”  
That’s what Himeko once told me in her usual harsh way.  
“Has it ever occurred to you that hair and those eyes are part of the reason why she’s here?”

Of course, it did occur to me.  
After all, that was no normal school.

That’s why – this is a story about those girls.

A story about me,  
A story about Ginko,  
And a story about Himeko.

A story that begins after I left Suiten** and the shrine by the lake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the brave reader who decided to give this a chance - thank you.  
> But I shall start with a warning.
> 
> Even though this work is rooted in the monogatari series' world-building, the canon cast from the previous story (Kiss-Shot and Seishirou) are only going to be mentioned throughout this work. The whole case is comprised of original characters. That being said, I'd be honoured if you decided to read my story despite this. 
> 
> * 刀自, matron, mistress, housekeeper  
> ** Reminder that Kiss-Shot is referred here as Suiten, as explained in Himiko War


	2. 002

That three-day and three-night trip was the farthest I ever travelled from home which was, in itself, an exciting experience – despite the poor rest and the bad eating. That aside, the place where I was headed was commonly known as Nure Temple* – which is a fairly mean name, if you ask me. That wasn’t even its original name, but it seemed like whoever ran the place thoroughly embraced it, unironically.  
The mystique of Nure Temple was enough to keep common folks at bay: the person I was travelling with, allowing me to idly sit on the back of their cart kindly dropped me at a safe distance from the temple’s gates, right at the entrance of the forest. According to his word, no one approached the temple unless out of necessity.

Seriously – just where did Shishirui-dono send me?

Well, it was too late to regret my choices. There was no clear path cutting its way through the forest, but a river appeared to dig its way right through it. Following its course seemed a safer choice than venturing into a forest I was unfamiliar with, so I picked my stuff and started walking, uncertain when my little trip on foot was going to end.

A mountain, a lake, and now a river. Yup.

Geographical considerations aside, I would have never guessed someone was living inside this forest. I walked for a solid twenty minutes, and yet no living soul presented itself to me. It made me start to wonder if I actually succeeded at getting lost, or if this place existed at all. Of course, why would have anyone bothered to give me safe, unambiguous directions? Shishirui-dono had told me he never visited the place itself, he only knew the headmaster; still, he assured me the locals would have helped.

It is tough, to be a protagonist.  
Especially when you are not a male protagonist with a main character’s plot armour.

Had it been another time of the year, that little walk might have been even pleasant, but winter had already started.

However, I wasn’t given much time to wallow in my dejection.

As I was lost in thought, I really didn’t see it coming, but I _heard_ all too well: it hissed so loudly next to my ear it almost hurt, and when it got stuck to a tree behind me I realised that an arrow just flew by me.

What the hell.  
That could have killed me.  
What’s new, I guess.

I was alert, and after I dropped everything to the ground I reached for the dagger hanging by my side and hid behind a tree. The sound of footsteps and cracking leaves revealed where the arrow came from, and I waited for someone to finally emerge from the withering foliage.

Yes, bring it on.  
What’s another person’s life on my conscience?

Having momentarily forgotten the kind of place where I was going, I was taken aback when two girls finally appeared, both just as cautious as me. They both looked to be around my age: the one with the bow was a slender girl with long black hair, and the other one had silver hair and bright red eyes. They made for a quite striking pair.  
It was easy to guess who attempted at my life.  
“Oh my god -”  
It was that silver-haired girl who spoke first. She almost seemed on the brink of tears, and that face reminded me of Fuyutsuki.  
“Are you alright?!”  
She sprinted towards me and grabbed my hands, and she started to check me in every place for every wound or small graze. That allowed me to see the other girl giving me a suspicious look, until she looked away clicking her tongue.  
“Himeko!” That made me flinch, but it looked like she was referring to the person she came with. Was that a prelude to a very confusing narration? “You could have killed her.”  
“I thought it was an animal - a deer or something.”  
“Quite the hunting skills…”  
I couldn’t help myself from commenting on that, and this _Himeko_ glared at me in reply.  
“I’m glad you seem to be alright.”  
“Uhm, yeah.”

“Who the hell are you?”  
Pointing one of her arrows at me, Himeko talked to me all high and mighty. I could already sense her character was going to be a pain.  
“My name is Himiko. I am looking for Nure Temple.”  
“Say what?” I irritated her even more. She marched closer to me, until she was basically towering over me. She was slightly taller, which allowed her to assert her physical dominance.  
“Did you come to steal my brand?”   
“E-excuse me?”  
What?  
The fact our names were so similar was pure coincidence.  
At that point the silver-haired girl tried to put some distance between us, not without effort. She did seem pretty feeble.  
“You need to calm down, Hime-chan.” After reprimanding her, she turned to look at me. “My name is Ginko, and as you gathered this is Himeko.”  
“Call me Hime,” she said, but it is more appropriate to say that sounded like a demand, “It may not look like it now, but I come from a noble lineage.”  
That sounded quite dubious** to me, but I was in no mood to fight anyone, especially someone who was pridefully puffing out her chest. Besides, that made the narration easier.  
“We come from Nure Temple, so – we can accompany you.”  
Even though Hime had shot an arrow at me just a few moments earlier, I wasn’t going to decline Ginko’s offer.

I picked my stuff and we resumed our trip. We kept walking alongside the river’s shore, and in the meantime the two of them questioned why I was seeking Nure Temple in the first place. Without delving much into the details, I roughly told them what I went through (I may have skipped the darkest details), and how after that I was recommended to come here and – hone my skills, so to speak.  
“Hmpf, I see,” Hime was leading the way, without ever looking at us, “Well, Toji-sama will decide whether you can stay or not, regardless of who recommends you. That’s not a system that works here.”  
It was not my intention to intrude or impose my presence, but she made sure I’d feel exactly that way.  
“Toji-sama is both the temple keeper and our teacher. Usually she is the one who chooses her disciples.”  
Compared to Hime, Ginko was soft-spoken and seemed to have a more amicable character. I was glad at least one of them wasn’t on the war path.  
“Oh? Are there some requirements to meet?”  
“Mmh – to be honest with you, I am not sure. Toji-sama _found_ us. Hime-chan was the only one thus far who came to us instead.”  
“Hmpf.”  
“And how did you make Toji-sama allow you to stay?”  
I was still talking to her back, of course.  
“Who knows. I guess Toji-sama acknowledged my talent.”

I am sure I don’t need to say what talents she was referring to. In some way or another, all six residents of Nure Temple encountered the supernatural, and they were now learning how to deal with it.  

And speaking of the temple –

After taking a turn inside the forest we walked some more, until I caught a glimpse of a building. Surrounded by trees, the temple and a smaller house perhaps sat at the very heart of the forest. As if they carved it out just to make place for them. You could still hear the sound of the river, but it was absolutely silent beyond that. The sky, white as if foreboding snow, cast a stark light on the surroundings.

A younger girl was sweeping the leaves by the gate. She briefly looked surprised when she noticed us, but her expression was quick to become a frown. Was everyone always so angry here?  
“I thought you bitches went hunting, and yet you came back with another mouth to feed, huh?”  
I was so bewildered – no, I was intimidated.  
By this young girl… and her foul mouth.  
“Shut up Chisako.”  
Hime brushed her off and walked past her, and Ginko invited me to go ahead.  
“You shut up, Hime. You really are an asshole. Always boasting about your skills, can’t see a fucking single pray.”  
“Be grateful I am not going to kick a twelve years old.”  
She was twelve?!  
Who was educating her?  
“Blah blah blah.”  
Chisako decided to suddenly ignore us and focus again on her task. Thus far, a majority of people made me regret ever coming here. That was a rough start.

We didn’t encounter any more of the residents after we entered, and without really showing me around Ginko and Hime lead me straight to this Toji-sama in the house behind the temple. I assumed that was where they all lived, and it looked like the headmaster’s room was there as well. I could quickly gather that the girls more likely slept in the largest room I noticed, another one seemed to be used as a dining room, and the rest I didn’t get a chance to peek at because we stopped before a closed door.  
“Toji-sama,” I was expecting Hime to take the lead again, but Ginko spoke instead, “We brought someone who would like to talk to you.”  
Silence followed. Was anyone there at all? Both of them seemed pretty confident, since they just stood there and waited.  
Eventually, an answer came.  
“Come in.”  
Ginko opened the door for me, but a smoke screen still stood between us and this Toji-sama. The smell was quite bad, but they pushed me inside and closed the door again behind me.

How nice!

Inside the smoke situation was even worse, but I could finally make sense of the figure before me: Toji was a woman with wavy and long, dark hair that covered her left eye, but the visible right eye was a brilliant black and cunning. She smirked with her lips painted red, and she invited me to sit.  
“And you are –?”  
At my first try, my answer was just repeated coughing. Eventually I managed to come up with words.  
“My name is Himiko. Here –” I handed her a letter from Shishirui-dono I brought with me, “Shishirui-dono suggested I come here to learn about the supernatural.”  
She chuckled softly as she held the kiseru on one hand and opened the letter with the other. She quickly skimmed through it, scoffed a bit, and then she simply threw it away.  
“That Shishirui… he doesn’t bother to check on me for years, and then he just sends me a problem child he doesn’t want to deal with?”  
I had no idea what the letter said, but being called a problem child like that made me wonder.  
“What happened to me –”  
“Oh, you don’t need to explain it. It’s fine, it’s fine, you may stay Himiko-chan.”  
“Huh?”  
“I have place in my heart for one more child. You only need to answer one question: are you here to leave your past behind you?”  
“No, that is not the reason.”  
I could firmly, certainly answer that.  
“That is fine, you may keep your name, then. Luckily it already fits in.”  
I realised all names I encountered thus far all had the kanji for child in it. I guessed it had something to do with the fact she considered the girls to be her children.  
“Has everyone here changed their name?”  
“Mmh, kind of ~ Everyone but Ginko-chan, but she didn’t have a name before, so that doesn’t count.”  
Did that mean they came to leave their pasts behind – ?  
“Teheh, I can see there is something you’d like to ask, Himiko-chan, but I have work to do. Please go explore this place and make yourself comfortable ~”  
“Uhm, sure…”  
“Why you look so surprised?”  
“It’s just…” I pondered on my words as I looked at the mountain of objects and paper around me, “Hime made it sound like there was some sort of requirement to be allowed here.”  
“Oh, you certainly meet all of them!”  
She stood to move before what looked like her “desk”, and she sat on it.  
“A god’s broken child is going to fit in perfectly well ~”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *In Japanese folklore, a nure-onna (濡女, "wet woman") is a yōkai which resembles a reptilious creature with the head of a woman and the body of a snake. [...] She is typically spotted on a shore, washing her hair. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nure-onna)  
> ** 秘める himeru, to hide, to conceal


	3. 003

I didn’t ask how she knew; I assumed that more than I thought was written in that message. It didn’t really annoy me – it made sense Shishirui-dono would warn Toji of my circumstances. 

Yet, did she need to be so smug about it? 

“What are you still doing here? I told you, I’m busy, very busy.”  
“Yeah, right –”  
I almost left the room when I realised I forgot in there everything I brought from home –  
“You don’t need this anymore, see ☆ you.” But then she had second thoughts before pushing me out. “Ah, yes. You’re going to be on duty with Hime-chan and Ginko-chan, alright? The girls usually work in pairs, but you might have noticed physical strength is not Ginko-chan’s main selling point, and Hime-chan might use some help. Well then, goodbye for real.”  
And just like that, she slammed the door close before my face.  
I could only sigh in disbelief upon the realisation that, once again, I found myself living among some peculiar characters.  
“Oh, well…”  
I finally turned, since I had no choice but to leave –  
But as soon as I did I found myself face to face with another girl who had silently approached me and was standing way too close for myself to feel comfortable.  
I tried to avoid a reaction, but that made my heart jump.  
She literally cornered me with my back against the door.  
“Good afternoon. I am Michiko.”  
“G-good afternoon… My name is Himiko.”  
She nodded with great emphasis, clasping her hands together.  
“I heard from Hime-chan and Ginko-chan. I am truly happy to have a new little sister.”  
“L-little sister…”  
In the end I have become a little sister after all. What a tragic turn of events.  
“Everyone here thinks of me as their big sis - please do not hesitate to rely on me for anything.”  
“That sounds nice. Can you please stand back for now?”  
She hadn’t moved an inch since she appeared out of thin air, and I was starting to grow impatient. At the very least she didn’t seem to be a thug-like character like Hime and Chisako, but that didn’t make her any less suspicious.  
“Oh, of course. Apologies.” 

Finally, freedom. 

Michiko was obviously the oldest girl among the ones I encountered until that moment. I guessed she was probably around eighteen years of age. She had an ever-smiling face, but honestly her attitude came across as contrived. Perhaps she believed a tad too much into her role as the group’s big sister, or at least, that was my first impression of her. 

“What would you like to do first? Visit the temple’s grounds or have your measures taken?”  
“My measures taken… what for?”  
“Your uniforms, silly.”  
I actually didn’t notice it before, but they were all wearing the same clothing. That was to be expected I guess, but the thought didn’t even occur to me. Ginko, Hime, Chisako, and Michiko all donned dark gray hakama and blue kimono for the winter. The kimono itself had sleeves decorated with water motifs. Honestly I couldn’t tell if those colours would look good on me, but it’s not like I had a choice on that matter.  
“I’d like to visit the temple’s grounds first.”  
“Very well then.” 

Michiko gestured me to follow her, and we ventured a little further inside the living quarters. The rooms were plain but clean and orderly, and every day the girls were assigned to different tasks to make sure to keep the place pristine – apparently Toji was quite strict on that, though her own office told a completely different story.  
Anyway.  
Aside from the rooms I noticed earlier (which were indeed the bedroom and dining room), Michiko showed me the bathroom, a sort of utility room, and the kitchen. There I finally met the last two residents of Nure Temple, Yukiko and Hyouko.  
“Yo!”  
The cheerful greeting came from Yukiko. Hyouko barely glanced at us, and the only acknowledgement we got was a small nod.  
“Himiko-chan is going to join us from today,” Michiko introduced me, placing both her hands on my shoulders. I really wish she knew the concept of personal space, but I was afraid that saying anything would be disrespectful to the _onee-sama_. “So make sure to prepare dinner for one extra person starting today.”  
“Eheh, you are in luck, Himiko. I am the best chef around here.”  
Yukiko winked at me.  
I couldn’t force myself to even smile. 

That was a lot to take all at once. 

We left those two to their task, and Michiko finally brought me outside. However, before we could move to the actual temple, she stopped all of a sudden and looked at me with a fairly serious expression. That looked more genuine than her saccharine smiles.  
“Now that you met all of us there are a few rules I would like to discuss with you, Himiko-chan.”  
She made a long pause, as though she was pondering where to start, or perhaps how to talk about these rules to begin with.  
“The most important of all is that we do not ask about each other’s pasts. Even if you felt like sharing your own, I suggest you refrain from doing so. It doesn’t matter whether you decided to not leave your past behind.”  
Huh, well – obviously that made me curious. If I wanted to leave my past behind or not – if I wanted to change my name or not was, after all, the only real question Toji asked me, too. That the past was a sensitive subject for everyone living there was plain as day, however at the time I didn’t fully grasp its importance. Its weight. Its pain.  
“Secondly, we do not get in each other’s way. I am sure Toji-sama already assigned you to a group – be helpful to your partners, get along with them. However, as much as we try to be friends, as much as I do consider all of you my younger sisters – Himiko-chan, I am sure you understand there is no way to share our hearts.”  
Do not hinder and do not pry, then. Be close but do not meddle in the others’ business. That didn’t seem sustainable, but if they had lived that way until that moment, then it was fine. I didn’t go to Nure Temple to make friends, I came to learn.  
“I understand.”  
“In the morning, Toji-sama gives us her teachings - there are a few things we learn here…” 

Michiko just changed the subject and headed for the temple.  
“This isn’t really a regular temple or shrine, though. That’s how everyone calls it, but this building doesn’t qualify as one. There is no god or supernatural creature living here - there is only us.”  
“I see. Then why is it called Nure Temple?”  
“Mmh -” Michiko tilted her head to the side, placing a finger on her cheek while seemingly deep in thought, “I guess it is because we are a group of young women living close to a river who deal with things that are not normal. Though apparently someone witnessed a Nure-Onna around here - we looked into it and never found evidence one ever appeared.”  
“So, it is just a mean name.”  
Michiko chuckled softly, genuinely amused by my remark.  
“It is.” 

The temple itself was just as plain, and when we entered I found Ginko and Hime again, sitting on the ground with two other people. They were whispering and it was quite hard to hear what they were talking about, and the differences between their expressions made it impossible to try and figure it out: whereas Ginko didn’t really have an expression per se, Hime looked pissed off. That could just be her default face, though, I didn’t know her well enough yet.  
“People come here to ask for our services, or for consulting. This is also where we have our morning lessons.”  
Michiko spoke in a very low voice inside my ear.  
The inside of the building was enveloped in the twilight: aside from the light coming from the open door, there were just a couple of small windows on both walls on the sides. On the far end was a small altar, the small statue of a dragon was on top of it. Being inside of it I realised that place probably wasn’t even built to be a temple to begin with.  
“The dragon is just a symbol of a bygone era - Toji-sama told us one used to live around here.”

After what I was told, Nure “Temple” seemed weirdly fitting to house those girls. Both the place and the people found themselves there serving a purpose they were not born for. 

I followed Michiko outside again, where the sun had finally found its way through the clouds and showered the temple grounds in a softer light. Afterwards I let her do whatever she needed to sew my uniform as we decided, and then I was left alone to wander wherever I wished until dinner time. Honestly I was tired from the journey, so I just returned to the bedroom where Michiko had shown me where to find my things. 

It felt nice to be left alone. 

I lay down and lazily looked around me. 

It struck me how there was nothing personal revealing the kinds of people sleeping in there. There were just tatami, blankets, and a few bowls for water. Everyone’s clothing was neatly folded and placed in a basket. 

Despite the fact that seven – no, eight now – people lived there, it was quiet.  
So quiet.  
Way quieter than Suiten’s shrine. 

I felt homesick, just a little bit.  
I was pretty sure Suiten wouldn’t like it here, nor would Fuyutsuki.  
I wasn’t sure I liked it either, but as I said, my likes or dislikes were irrelevant. 

Thinking back on the things Michiko told me – I closed my eyes. 

Thinking that those were fairly easy rules to follow, that I was in no way eager to share my past, what happened to me – I slowly fell asleep. 

I couldn’t know I, the newcomer, would break each and every one of those rules. 

That I would pry.  
That I would hinder.  
That I would bring in my past. 

Each and every one of these things – by the end, I did all of them. 


	4. 004

When I woke up I realised I slept through dinner time. It was quite early in the morning, and everyone else was still sound asleep. 

I was still wearing my travelling clothes, which made me feel quite filthy. Even if they didn’t bother to wake me up, at least someone left me a change of clothes (no, not the uniform), so I thought it was best to go _cleanse myself_ first.  
I tried to slip out of the room as silently as I could, when I noticed the futon behind mine was actually already empty. Glancing around, I quickly gathered Ginko was the one up and awake.  
I walked as quietly as I could –  
“N-No… I don’t want to eat that…”  
– but hearing a voice froze me right where I was standing, almost by the door. Hyouko was mumbling in her sleep and she actually looked quite distressed – it made me wonder what happened in the kitchen to cause her to vividly dream about it.  
Also, I wouldn’t have guessed the seemingly silent type to be the sleep-talker.  
Anyway, I successfully slipped out. 

The whole house was enveloped in silence, and trying to go about my business without making a sound proved to be quite difficult. At a certain point I almost slipped on the bathroom floor and let out a little screech, but it seemed nobody heard me. By the time I finished, everything was just as still and silent as the instant I awoke. 

When living with Suiten I ate whenever it suited me since her schedule was a mess. However I thought it’d be highly inappropriate to go ahead and have breakfast (especially when I accidentally skipped the best chef’s meal), so I went looking for Ginko instead.  
The air outside was brisk, and the sky was turning into a light blue colour. No clouds in sight, just a sunny, wintry day ahead.  
“I hate winter…”  
I headed to the temple, assuming that was the only place where Ginko could have gone. And inside she was, standing by the dragon statue – since inside was almost entirely dark, I had to approach her a little closer to see she was diligently dusting it off, humming to herself a song I didn’t know.  
“Good morning.”  
I accidentally spoke a bit too loudly, and my greeting echoed in the wide room. That also startled Ginko, who probably didn’t hear me when I came inside.  
“Good morning, Himiko. You scared me.”  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”  
She lowered her gaze and tucked her hair behind her ear, acting bashful as though I caught her doing something she shouldn’t be doing.  
“You missed dinner last night,” she said, before I could break that embarrassing silence, “Yukiko was mad.”  
“I-I’m sorry, I also didn’t mean to -”  
Oh no, I enraged yet another one of them. I just hoped Yukiko didn’t wield any deadly weapon that she could just throw or shoot at me.  
“Pffft -” Ginko chuckled, clearly trying to actually hold back a much louder laugh, “You made such a funny face. I was joking, I was joking.”  
Don’t make fun of me!  
I wish I could have said that, but I just blushed like a complete fool.  
“I’m sorry, Himiko, that was mean of me. Actually, is it ok if I call you Hi-chan?”  
“Ah, uhm… sure.”  
I mean, only Fuyutsuki called me that, but I didn’t see anything wrong with Ginko using that nickname as well. Although I was admittedly confused by that overly-intimate way they had of calling one another: I was basically told to mind my own business the day earlier, so I couldn’t understand why they would _fake_ being close through such trivial behaviours.  
I looked at the dragon statue Ginko finished cleaning. I couldn’t make out what material it was made of in that light - or lack thereof.  
“Michiko informed me about the household rules yesterday,” I decided I would test the waters since it was just the two of us. This time I made sure to whisper, so that Ginko could hear me without having to let it echo all over again. “I noticed everyone else does it, but is it ok for you to call me Hi-chan? And should I call you Ginko-chan?”  
“Of course it’s fine.” She smiled, and again she averted her gaze. “You ask some weird questions. I like you.”  
I wasn’t quite sure how to reply to that statement.  
“Mmh… well, that’s reassuring. After all, Toji-sama told me I should work with you and Hime. I feel Hime and I got off on the wrong foot, though.”  
“Aah, don’t worry about it. Hime looks tough, but she will soften up. I think she doesn’t do well with strangers.” 

Just how many people did she accidentally shoot arrows at? 

Ginko just stared at me with her red eyes, as if expecting me to say something. I had no idea how to carry on that conversation and I started to feel awkward.  
“Your eyes are really pretty.”  
There, I just blurted. I really do say a lot of unnecessary things when I feel cornered.  
“Thank you. People don’t usually like them, but I’m glad you do.”  
Well - she did stand out, but not in a bad way. I could figure what she meant, though.  
“Shall we go? You must be starving.” 

She wasn’t wrong. 

We headed back to the house, where everyone was slowly waking up.

It was Michiko and Chisako’s turn in the kitchen, so I ended up missing out on Yukiko’s renowned cooking. Yes, Michiko and Chisako - weird pair. It made sense for the oldest to take care of the youngest, but after my brief interaction with  _ sweet _ Chisako that raised all sorts of questions. Also Yukiko didn’t come after my life, she just called me out theatrically and yelled “Next time!” 

No clouds in sight, no death incoming.  
Just a nice day. 

We all sat by a long table, and I ended up with Ginko on my left side, Hyouko on my right, and Hime in front of me. She didn’t look like she got much rest, and she still had bedhead but I wasn’t going to be the one who told her.  
“Hime-chan, you look awful.”  
Hyouko was kind enough to do so in my stead, but that doesn’t mean I was not surprised. She was revealing herself not as the silent type, but as the silent type who speaks only to hurt your feelings?  
“Impossible. I pull off _tired_ as perfectly as everything else.”  
More surprising reactions.  
I guess it was too early to judge everyone’s character.     


Toji didn’t show herself until it was class time. From the little I had seen of her, it looked like she rarely left her room, a suspicion that Ginko confirmed for me.  
“Yeah, she only really comes out for classes,” she whispered when we sat on the temple’s cold floor, waiting for _sensei_ , “I don’t think I have ever seen her not smoking either.”  
“This is going to be such a pain…” Hime chimed in, leaning towards us. “She is going to go through the basics just for _you_ again. Really, why aren’t we off the hook?”  
“I am somehow doubting your noble lineage –”  
Which made me realise.  
Wasn’t that, theoretically, part of her past?  
If Michiko wasn’t just trying to be creepy – then wasn’t it obvious Hime was lying?  
Or, perhaps, did everyone think she was lying?  
Nevertheless, as much as I didn’t understand it, what I knew was that Hime’s behaviour made me naturally antagonistic towards her. Just like water and oil, I was sure she felt the same way. 

Indeed, she was about to reply when Toji finally made her entrance.    


Honestly, I smelled her before I saw her. 

I can now understand how Suiten would smell Shishirui-dono before seeing him – to some extent. 

Surely that scent was hard to miss for anyone. If she really spent her days in that room, smoking the way she did when I met her the day prior… it was no surprise that smell became a permanent second skin.  
Because of the mess I couldn’t get a proper look of her earlier, but eccentricities aside she was a quite elegant woman. It was actually hard to pin her age, but if I had to guess, I would have said she was in her late thirties.  
The unnecessary confidence with which she walked among us was vaguely reminiscent of our beloved golden-haired goddess, but their presences were entirely different. Suiten was overwhelming, but Toji just felt oppressive. Not to spoil anything, but my first impression was not off the mark. 

“Good morning, my children ~”  
That sent a chill down my spine. Being called someone’s child literally gripped my stomach in an unpleasant feeling. I can’t deny I had some unanswered questions after Shirayamatsumi’s departure – about them, and about my mother too. Anyway, I felt quite uncomfortable about another unknown woman acting like a mother.  
Yes, say it: I have mommy issues.  
“I am sure you know what to expect today, since Himiko-chan joined us as of yesterday. A little review never hurts, so you should all pay attention!”  
Unlike us, Toji just stood before us dimly lit by the morning light. With a smile, she invited me to stand up and get closer to her. I couldn’t react at first, but Ginko softly tapped my shoulder and whispered me to just go.  
I stood up, reluctantly, and went by Toji’s side as she asked.  
“I am sure you somehow figured out what we do here, mhm~? Exorcisms, spirit hunting, all sorts of fun stuff. The brave ones come here, but more often than not we just receive requests and we have to go check out ourselves. This is also how we make a living, but fees don’t matter now.”  
Well, that made sense. As much as they could try to be self-sufficient, there was no way they could survive without money. The Shishirui clan dealt with the supernatural because that has been their duty for generations, but I was not all that surprised that it was more like a _vocation_ for some people. And Toji made a business out of it.  
“So, before we start, I have some questions for you, Himiko-chan. I’m sorry if you feel like I am putting you on the spotlight~”  
“It is alright.”  
I quite hated it, but there was no way I could say it out loud. However, Toji’s grin made me feel like she might have just read my mind.  
“Can you see apparitions?”  
“I can.”  
“Have you ever dealt with one?”  
“I have.”  
“Did it involve people?”  
“It did.”  
“Did it involve yourself?”  
I couldn’t answer that right away. Not because I had a problem with the question itself (or the answer itself, really), but, how to put it –  
Even though my answers didn’t reveal more than necessary –  
“It did.”  
I couldn’t shake off that feeling. 

As though she was  _ looking for something _ . 

“Thank you for answering honestly, Himiko-chan. I honestly expected you to not be entirely clueless.”  
She called me a god’s broken child, there was no way she didn’t know.  
Which made that whole ritual look all the more pointless.  
“I have one last question ☆”  
Well, of course she did.  
Her expression, however, changed completely. Her enigmatic grin was gone. Her left eye was still covered by her hair, but her right eye stared at me as though trying to dig under my skin.  
As if she wanted to turn me inside out.  
“Has your condition been dealt with?”  
When she tried to touch me, I instinctively grabbed her wrist to stop her. That clearly shocked someone among the girls, as I distinctly heard a surprised gasp emerge from the perfect silence.  
It didn’t shock Toji, who smiled again – concealing her annoyance.  
“I’m sorry, but I know better than letting someone like you touch me without a clear reason.”  
Fool me once, shame on me.  
Could it be that perhaps Shinsho had been my most influential teacher after all?  
“My _ condition _ has been dealt with the way I saw fit.” 

Everyone’s eyes were fixated on me.  
Toji’s eyes – were just piercing through me. 

“I understand ~” 

I let go of her, and she didn’t try to come close again. 

Toji clapped her hands twice, and I took that as a sign that I could go back and sit on the freezing floor. 

“Very well then ☆ Let today’s lesson begin!” 


	5. 005

After finally adapting to my new life, things went smoothly for at least a couple of months. I learnt, I worked, and I mingled with the other girls. Perhaps the symptoms of looming change had presented themselves already, but if I had to pinpoint an exact date when everything started to come undone, then it would be the day of my sixteenth birthday. The fifth day of the second month of the year. 

Well, no one at Nure Temple really knew about it, so I wasn’t expecting to celebrate it. Actually, a certain dread surrounding my birthday made it almost impossible for me to sleep the night before. It’s not that I had any unpleasant memories about it – perhaps a part of me was simply stunned that I actually made it to that day. That I was alive – after paying a great price. Anyway, those feelings woke me up awfully early once again, and while the whole house was sleeping I thought I’d tend to some minor chores.  
We had some important task to take care of later on –  
This time I snuck out without really looking at my surroundings, and I immediately headed outside where a crystalline sky stretched out above my head.  
That was when, unexpectedly, I ran into Hime.  
It took me aback, because that simply was not where she was supposed to be.  
However, she seemed as bewildered as I was.  
I totally didn’t notice her futon was empty.  
“What the hell are you doing awake?”  
As if I was the oddest one between the two, Hime shot her question first.  
“There is nothing weird in being an early bird – you, however, look like you just came back from wherever.”  
“That’s none of your business.”  
“The reason why I am awake is none of your business either.”    
She clicked her tongue and glared at me. Hime had her bow and arrows, as usual, and her uniform was all creased. There was still dirt on her hands, as well as her clothes, and as much as she was trying to hide it, she was pale and possibly in pain.    
“I couldn’t sleep, so I went in the forest for a bit.”  
What a blatant lie.  
I mean, I had no reason to think of it as a lie – but if I learnt anything about Hime was that deceit was as natural as breathing to her. Everyone there was hiding something, but she… she was different.  
“You know we have to go talk to a bunch of people today, right? To the witnesses of this rumoured dragon.” 

That’s right. 

Apparently a small village close to the temple has been in a frenzy because, they say, several people saw a dragon flying over their heads. The popular belief was that it was the same dragon that disappeared without a trace in the past, although that seemed unlikely.  
Whether it was true or not, the first thing to avoid was the festering of panic. 

“I know, I know.”  
Hime tiredly tried to walk past me, when I noticed her blood-stained kimono. She attempted to walk by showing me her “good side,” but that was really hard to miss.  
“How did you get that wound?”  
I knew she wouldn’t have liked being fussed over, so I neither rushed to her nor asked if she wanted help. Indeed, the way she looked at me told me she wished I didn’t ask at all.  
“Did you brawl with a bear or a wolf? Or something like that?”  
I joked, since I at least wanted her to answer me.  
But she didn’t.  
She just started to walk away.  
“Should I stitch you up?”     
She waved her hand as if to say _just leave me alone_.  
So I did the exact opposite and followed her inside. 

It’s not that I did it out of care or anything, but seeing how stubborn she was I thought she could be so stupid to go on with her day and do nothing about it. That was the extent of my trust in Hime. 

She looked utterly pained when she realised I was tagging along, yet she didn’t try to shoo me away again. 

I helped Hime get rid of her clothing – or, well, just her kimono, since her side hurt and she struggled to do it on her own. Then she went ahead and called me a creep before going to wash herself and clean the wound.  
Always feels nice to be appreciated.  
As if I could have any interest in seeing her naked.  
Anyway I just waited for her to be back. Lacking any other proper place, I just sat in the living room.

It took her so long, I thought for a second she ran away from the back door – but she didn’t. Of course she was still clearly hostile, but it appeared Hime resigned herself to her fate.  
“How does it look?”  
“It’s just a scratch.”  
“That was a lot of bleeding for a scratch.”  
“Hmpf.”  
She finally decided to show it to me. Honestly that was slightly more than just a scratch, but it was also true that it was not a deadly injury.  
Whose blood was that then?  
“There are dangers to hunting, you know.”  
“So you are saying this is really a case of hunting in the middle of the night gone wrong?”  
“Yes, exactly.”  
Seriously –  
I stopped asking questions and I just tended to her wound.  
“I am surprised you’re letting me do this.”  
“Did I have a choice?” She sighed, tiredly. “Long term planning. I know you weren’t going to trust me, and I didn’t want you to be on my case the whole day.”  
“You are not wrong.” 

We both fell silent for a while. 

As much as I said I had no interest in seeing her naked, I couldn’t help but notice a few other scars she had. Not like I was going to pry and ask her how she got them. I was over the phase in which I would ask myself why I was not dead, and I pretty much learned to enjoy being alive, thank you.  
“Are you done already? I’m freezing.”  
“Almost.”  
“Either way, it’s time to pay back the favour.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I let you check on me, now it is your turn to say why you are awake.”  
Huh – long term planning, she said?  
“I simply couldn’t rest well.”  
“The reason being –?”  
She stared at me with a mischievous grin. What was she even expecting me to reveal?  
“It’s my birthday today.”  
“Oh.” 

Once I finished stitching her up, Hime wrapped herself in her night clothes.  
“Will you be alright today?”  
“I will, I am used to it.”  
She stood up, probably ready to leave and return to bed while she had the chance, but then she just stopped to look at me. Literally staring at me, in silence, without much of an expression.  
“Is that why Ginko likes you, I wonder –”  
“I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”  
Yes, Ginko and I went along much better than Hime and I did. Honestly, I liked Ginko way more than I liked Hime, too. Perhaps it was because with Ginko I could experience a semblance of closeness – I didn’t feel as though she was trying to always keep a distance between us. Aside from that, she was kind. And pretty.  
What was there not to like?  
“What I mean is that she was quick to take a liking to you, and that’s what I find a mystery.”  
“Did you just want to remind me _you_ don’t like me?”  
“Actually, no, I don’t think I need to remind you of it at all. I just –”  
“What? Are you jealous?”  
“As if, I don’t like Ginko _that_ way.”  
“In what way? I am lost again.” 

Please, let’s not fill this story with pointless banter.  
I don’t want to get that sort of reputation, too.  
I am a better protagonist than that.

“I see this conversation isn’t going anywhere.”  
Thus Hime concluded, for once in tune with my thoughts.  
“You should get some rest while you can.”  
“I told you, I am used to this.”  
“That only makes me think of even more questions.” 

But we did wait, awkwardly. As if to prove her point, Hime refused to leave the room, though I could swear I saw her doze off several times. I just wish she could be honest with herself and sleep, but I assumed that became a test of endurance and she just had to prove me wrong.  
Hadn’t it been Hime, I might have found it endearing.  
But it was Hime, so it wasn’t cute at all.  
Or, well, not as cute as it could have been. 

Eventually, with her back against the wall, she drifted into sleep. 

Shortly after, Yukiko peeked inside the room and waved her hand at me, mouthing “good morning.” Having nothing better to do (given I could no longer bicker with Hime), I followed her in the kitchen.  
“I didn’t expect anyone to be up already – I know you girls have to leave early, so I thought I’d prepare you something for lunch, too.”  
Of course she was referring to me, Ginko, and Hime. Yukiko was perhaps the most energetic of the bunch, and probably the most considerate, too.  
“Ah, that’s extremely nice of you, you didn’t have to…”  
“Eheh, it’s fine, it’s fine. It looks like Hime-chan will need some extra energy, anyway.”  
“Is it something… that happens often?”  
“Mhm? What do you mean?”  
Yukiko looked at me with a puzzled expression as she washed the rice.  
“Does Hime often wander into the forest at night and come back at sunrise?”  
She handed me some vegetables to chop. My impression was that she knew, but she didn’t feel like answering. From what I could understand about Yukiko, she might have been the kind of person who would have liked to ask (and help), too. As far as I could tell, Yukiko and Hyouko were close, but it didn’t seem like she shared that kind of connection with anyone else.  
“It might have happened in the past. A couple of times.”  
“And what does she do out there, exactly? Aside from getting hurt?”  
For a while all I could hear was the sound of my knife softly hitting against the wooden plane.  
“I am not sure myself. Actually, I don’t think anyone knows, not even Ginko-chan.”  
“So, she noticed?”  
That was to be expected. They were partners after all.  
“They had an argument, at a certain point. I don’t think Ginko-chan found out anything, but she might have asked Hime-chan about it. And Hime-chan didn’t take it well. After that the topic was never brought up again.”  
 _And you shouldn’t bring it up as well_ , or so I had the impression that was what Yukiko was implying.  
“I see.”  
Then, ceasing altogether what she was doing herself, Yukiko turned to look at me.  
“I like you, Himiko-chan, but I hope you are not planning to look further into this. You are a kind person, and skilled at what you do. But after your first class, and your defying Toji-sama, I also realised you bring with yourself a certain amount of chaos.”  
Her tone was quite different from the Yukiko I grew used to. She was serious and assertive, but she was neither attacking me nor trying to intimidate me. Matter-of-factly, she just laid out her mind to me.  
“And that… scares me. Not because I am scared of you, of course. I am scared of what might become of this place. Here is supposed to be safe. And I want to keep it safe. For myself, the other girls – and Hyouko-chan especially.”  
 _I hope you understand that_.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ask too many questions.”  
“Don’t worry, it’s alright!”  
She smiled cheerily, and her focus was again on cooking. 

Yes, I did understand what she meant. 

But I wasn’t sure – I could wholeheartedly agree with it. 

To avoid something, to make it so that it cannot come near you – does that make you really safe? 

How can anyone be safe if they do not defeat, if they do not overcome that which threatens them? 

Well, I wouldn’t muse out loud those thoughts to Yukiko, anyway. I admired her desire to protect something – someone. 

Besides, a soft knock snapped me out of my thoughts.

“Good morning.”  
It was Ginko.  
“I found Hime-chan sleeping, so I woke her up and asked her to get dressed. Are you all ready, Hi-chan?”  
“Oh, yes. I am ready to leave at any time. Yukiko-chan was preparing us some lunch to go.”  
“Aah, thank you Yukiko-chan. It is always so hard to decide what to eat when spending a day on the field…”  
“No problem, my friends. Yukiko is here to serve.”    


After a brief breakfast and prepping all that we needed (as well as after waking up Hime a couple more times), we left Nure Temple before everyone else woke up. 

The sun still hanging on the horizon, we left looking for a dragon. 


	6. 006

The village we went to was the nearest to Nure Temple, and indeed our main source of customers. A fact I always found strange – we’re not speaking of a town, a growing city. It was a bigger place than my home village for sure, but I’d say it matched the one by the lake in size. To have so many oddities in such a small place – I guess, after the first happened it just beget more supernatural events. 

Anyway, a dragon was still a bigger event than what we were used to. 

Six people swore they saw it flying up high in the sky. 

We were invited to talk inside the house of an elderly lady who was among the dragon witnesses. There was a couple, a middle-aged man, and a young boy too.  
As usual, Hime skipped all pleasantries and started with her questions as soon as we all sat down.  
“How do you know it was a dragon?”  
Hime always asked those kinds of question. As if distrustful of what those people saw, as if they gained anything from their lies. There was nothing wrong with being cautious, of course. But one could tell from her expression that she didn’t believe people to begin with.  
“That’s what we all saw.”  
An old lady replied and the other five people nodded to agree with her. Indeed, that didn’t answer Hime’s question, but to be fair that was to be expected.  
 __How could I ever mistake a dragon for something else?  
Perhaps an old lady’s eyesight couldn’t be the most reliable source, but everyone else was still quite firm on what they witnessed.  
Definitely not a bird.  
Definitely not an animal of any kind.  
Definitely a dragon.  
Long neck, big wings, tail and all.  
“Did you all see it the same day? Or did it happen more than once?”  
After some murmuring during which they probably got their timeline together, they confirmed they all saw the dragon on different days. The first one to see it was the old lady. A few days later, the boy did too. A couple days later it was the middle-aged man’s turn. And the day after it was the couple’s turn.  
“Meaning its visits are getting more frequent…”  
“Perhaps it will return today, too.”  
Ginko agreed with me, while Hime didn’t seem convinced yet. 

When we left it was just past noon.

“What is it that doesn’t seem right to you, Hime-chan?”  
Hime stopped in the middle of the street before pulling us to the side.  
“Come on, a dragon? You both remember Toji-sama told us there used to be one around here, right?”  
“Just because one _used to_ be around here does not make it unlikely that another one spawned for whatever reason. Sure it sounds quite incredible, but it is definitely not impossible.”  
“Hi-chan is right,” Ginko agreed with me, but as usual she sought a compromise that worked for both Hime and myself, “and if she is right, it is very likely this dragon will appear again today, right? From what those people said it sounded like it was looking for something.”  
“You’re just that imaginative, Ginko-chan. You always do that. Isn’t it too early to assign any reason to this creature’s actions?”  
That assertive reply made Ginko shy away from the conversation. Even though she was perfectly capable of standing her ground, she clearly didn’t like confrontation.  
“I’m sorry, I’m tired. I didn’t mean to lash out at you.”  
At least she admitted to being tired.  
“It’s alright, Hime-chan.”  
“Let’s eat and wait for a little. We might find something interesting if we investigate some more.”

Both of them agreed to my proposal. 

Besides, we couldn’t just  – stand there. 

As much as people there grew used to us – it didn’t mean they liked us. 

For us to be there, it only meant one thing.

Trouble. 

We were useful to them, but that didn’t make them fear us any less. 

It was a situation entirely different from what I experienced with Suiten at her shrine. I’m not saying people weren’t nurturing their worries or doubts about me, too, but at the very least I was always treated like a human being. I had friends. I might have been Suiten’s miko, but both she and I were part of that community. The girls of Nure Temple were completely separated from the people they helped. The people they served. They – looked down on them. 

Because we were all broken. 

In some way or another –  
The things we were capable of were made possible by the fact we walked through hell. Our own, personal hell.  
And none of us never quite returned from there.  
At least, not as a whole.  
At least, not as the same as before. 

“Do we want to make a bet?”  
Hime looked at us with a smirk, openly challenging us.  
“A bet –?”  
Ginko tilted her head to the side, as it was her habit to do so when she was confused.  
She looked quite adorable.  
“Yes, a bet. If the dragon doesn’t show up today, I win. If I do you girls will take care of our chores, and I shall get some well-deserved rest for a whole week. If I lose, I will handle the chores alone, and you two get your down time.”  
“You realise your own conditions aren’t exactly in your favour?”  
“That’s just how confident I am, Himiko.”  
I scoffed at her misplaced confidence.  
“Sure. I’m in.”  
“Even if Hime-chan loses, I’m going to help her out.”  
“No, no, no pity allowed,” I intervened, because that was a serious challenge, and seriously it shall be taken, “I know Hime is a sore loser, but you shouldn’t mind her, Ginko-chan. If she loses, that will be something she brought upon herself.”  
Ginko’s eyes bounced between Hime and I, uncomfortable with having to pick a side. Eventually, though, she caved in.  
“O-ok… I’ll try my best to ignore Hime-chan’s laments.”  
“I do not _ lament _ !” 

We all burst into laughter. 

A light breeze ruffled our hair, cold and biting. 

Then the breeze became a stronger wind. 

And before we could realise what was happening –  
Before we could even look –  
Look at what _ descended _ from the sky –

As if a wall of air hit us, we all tumbled and rolled down the street.    


When I could get back on my feet and the world was no longer upside down, I knew I won my bet. 

With light blue scales and eyes of an intense red colour –  
The dragon stood before us.

“Tch.”  
I heard Hime clicking her tongue behind me.  
Yup, a sore loser.  
“Whoa.”  
Ginko was just surprised, though. 

Everyone else had panicked and returned to their houses, or found shelter in the shops. After some confusion and indistinct screaming, the street became empty and fell silent. Except for the dragon and the three of us, of course. 

It’s not like it did anything.

It looked at us, and we looked back at it.  
A bit in awe, completely terrified. 

We got closer again, and before I knew it Hime and Ginko were both clinging to my arms, Hime on my right and Ginko on my left.  
“Not only you’re a sore loser, but you are a cowardly one, too?”  
“Shut up. If we have to die, I’d rather you go first. I’m going to use you as a human shield.”  
“W-what? Are we going to die?”  
Ginko tightened her grip even more, so much so it almost hurt.  
“We’re not going to die, we’re going to deal with it.”  
I said – as though I knew how.  
“I should have brought my bow…”  
“Surely an arrow was going to solve this.”  
“Why you must always underestimate my skills as an archer?!”  
“I’m just saying, I don’t know if an arrow can pierce through dragon scales.”  
“You don’t know until you try, that’s my motto.”  
“G-girls…”  
I looked at Ginko, who was pointing at the dragon.  
“I think it’s coming towards us.” 

She wasn’t wrong.

The dragon covered the distance between us in a couple steps. 

At that point it was so close, we were too frightened to actually move.  
That was… beyond the scale of what Toji taught us.  
She never told us how to deal with a dragon.  
She probably didn’t expect this turn of events either. Maybe she also didn’t believe the rumours – or if she believed them, she didn’t think we would have found ourselves in this situation.  
Face to face with a dragon, its breath whipping against our faces. 

Ginko’s grip on my arm loosened slightly. I didn’t want to look away from the biggest threat I ever confronted, but I couldn’t help but briefly glance at her.  
She didn’t seem scared.  
Like before – she tilted her head to the side in confusion.  
“What are we going to do?”  
Hime tried to whisper, and I could barely make sense of what she said because of her shaking voice. Her hold didn’t loosen one bit.  
I had no idea of what we were going to do.  
My mind was blank.  
As much as I thought the dragon existed, I would have never thought it was going to approach us like that. Nothing in the reports suggested it was going to get close to people. At most I believed we would spot it in the sky, like everyone else did.  
I won my bet, but at what price? 

“I don’t know.”  
I said. 

Then my heart, which had been hammering inside my chest all along, suddenly jumped to my throat.

The dragon moved, and at that point I could no longer stay still. 

I grabbed back Hime and Ginko. 

And I dragged them as I tried to run away. 

Hime quickly caught up, and as if she suddenly woke up from a dream she started running with me. Ginko on the other hand still seemed bewildered, and we had to yank her until we hid behind a house. 

Did that change anything? Of course not.  
But the circumstances apparently made us even more stupid. 

“Get yourself together.”  
Hime shook Ginko, who suddenly came to her senses.  
“Uh? What are we doing?”  
“Did you lose your senses or something?”  
“Oh? No, that’s not it, Hime-chan.”  
Ginko looked at me, and she seemed unsure whether to speak out loud her next words. She didn’t seem scared – she looked as though she was trying to make sense of something.  
“I mean… didn’t you hear it?”  
Hime and I looked at each other.  
 _Did you hear it?  
Hear what?  
_We both shook our heads.  
“The dragon was talking to us.”  
Hime and I looked at each other again.  
 __Wait did it talk?  
It definitely did not talk.  
“I was told to go with it. Apparently it wants to talk more with me?”  
So said Ginko, as though that was the most natural thing in the world.  
“No way you’re going away with that!”  
I was overwhelmed with everything that was happening, and the way Ginko spoke, as if she was truly considering it – I yelled those words before I could even process what I myself was saying.    


No matter how loud I was, my voice was drowned in the even louder creaking and breaking and exploding of wood that happened right above our heads. Calling us out on our poor life choices, the dragon apparently destroyed half of the building in one, swift sweep. 

“Maybe she should.”  
Unconcerned with the debris flying all over, Hime was suddenly all serious again.  
“What? You’re not considering to hand Ginko-chan over to a dragon?”  
I couldn’t believe her. I couldn’t believe my own ears.  
“Hi-chan, think about it.” Ginko grabbed both my hands and looked at me in the eyes. She looked oddly determined, she had an expression I think I saw for the first time that day. “Whatever the dragon wants, it means no harm. It didn’t attack anyone until now. It didn’t even attack us. I’m not sure what it wants to talk about, but if everyone can be safer if I go away with it, then I will do it.”  
“But…”  
“Not to mention,” Hime interrupted me, “Toji told us that saving lives should be our priority. Right now, this creature poses a threat to everyone here. Letting Ginko-chan go is the right course of action.”  
I understood that.  
I understood that much.  
Even so –  
Even so.  
“Hi-chan, look at me.”  
I looked at her.  
And Ginko smiled at me.  
“Wherever we are going, I am sure you can find me again.”  
She let go of me and stood up, walking away from us.  
As much as I wanted to stop her – there was nothing I could do.  
Hime was right.  
That was, objectively speaking, rationally speaking – the best course of action.  
We watched her walk to the dragon, and for a while they just stood there, possibly talking in absolute silence. Then, the dragon offered its back to her.  
That was a strange sight. An absolutely odd sight.  
Just like that… Ginko flew away, leaving behind an empty street, a destroyed building, and my heart gripped in a confusing feeling.

“It looks like the terms of my bet evened out in the end.”  
Hime kicked a piece of wood nearby.  
Honestly, I only wanted to kick her.  
But all I could do was watch the silhouette of the dragon disappear beyond the horizon. 


	7. 007

“What do you mean you let Ginko leave with the dragon?! Are you stupid?! Did you lose your mind?! I sent you three because I trusted you could handle the situation, and this is how you dealt with it?! Are you kidding me?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. What’s so special about a dragon, anyway?! Don’t tell me you got scared over something so minor? Of course, how else could it be explained? Nobody would make such a dumb decision if it wasn’t out of fear. I’m so, so disappointed. All these months spent teaching you wasted just because a creature slightly bigger than usual showed up. I may have already asked, but are you stupid or something? A dragon is just like any other oddity, and no matter how impressive it looks it can be defeated like any other monster. I can’t believe this, you – I can’t believe the best you could do was running away! Oh but let me guess: you must have thought something along the lines of,  _ probably Toji-sama didn’t believe in these rumours herself, otherwise she would have never sent us to deal with this _ . Now it’s your time to guess – YES, YOU WERE WRONG. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. Why wouldn’t I believe the rumours?! It was already more than a rumour, and I expected my children to be perfectly equipped to deal with it. But no, no – but let’s see, let’s see. I’m sure you probably thought you were supposed to follow protocol? Just because a house was blown up? Who the hell cares?! That was still a manageable situation; that was something you should have been able to deal with. It was not the situation that was out of control, IT WAS YOU. Just because Ginko claimed this dragon talked to her, you thought it was fine for things to go this way? No matter what she was told, did you really think THIS-WAS-FINE?! You are her partners, don’t you know how impressionable that child is?! Admitting she is still alive, do you think it will be easy to find her?! How could you fail me like this?! How could you disappoint me like this?! Aha, I can hardly bear to look at you two! Of course you’d concoct such an idiotic plan, Himeko. I bet you probably didn’t feel like dealing with it and you had this preposterous thought that you could justify your decision by telling yourself this is what I’d have wanted. GUESS WHAT, YOU WERE WRONG, THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED AT ALL. And you, Himiko, the two of you have been antagonising each other this whole time, but you suddenly decided to get along with this? I expected so much better from you. I can’t believe that was all it took to frighten you – perhaps I should have never had expectations at all. I thought the godly side of you to be useful, but I guess your prominent human side is just worthless. You both disappointed me – as specialists, as my disciples, and above all as my children. I hope you did not expect a pat on the back, I hope you did not expect me to congratulate you,  _ you did your best girls, let’s solve this together _ . You didn’t do your best. You did your worst. Now leave me alone, because of course, yes, I am going to fix this. I will get Ginko back, but do not hope that this mistake will be easily forgotten, or forgiven. You cannot imagine how hard you’ll have to work to make it up to me. And I wonder if you will ever be able to, anyway – just leave me alone now. Your presence just angers me. Just get out of my sight.”

That was what we returned to once Toji was informed of what happened. 

Indeed, Hime was wrong. 

That – didn’t make Toji happy. 

All we could do was standing in front of her desk as she unleashed her anger against us. She yelled at us, she shouted, she slammed her fists on the table, her eye and her voice brimming with unbridled rage. I – probably neither Hime nor I had ever seen Toji like that. It was understandable she would be upset, but wasn’t that overly dramatic? There was something frantic about her gestures, about her expression, that made it seem like she was not just immensely pissed off. I couldn’t shake off the feeling there was more to it than her abusive words suggested. That being said, it’s not like it didn’t hurt. I didn’t really dare to look away from the floor, but I imagined Hime wasn’t enjoying herself either. As much as I didn’t agree with her plan at first, I knew that what she did – what we did – was in good faith. 

Once Toji was done thundering, the room – no, the whole house fell silent. Not a single sound came from beyond the door, and I could barely hear myself or Hime breathe. 

Ah, it had been a while since someone showered me with such hateful words.  
Since my father died, I guess. 

Can’t say that made me feel particularly good. 

“So? What are you waiting for? Get out of my sight.”  
The second time Toji asked us to leave I noticed Hime finally moved, and without saying a single word she stormed out the room.  
“Quick, shoo.”  
“Wait a second.”  
When I spoke Toji glared at me with her eye devoid of any warmth or feeling. The courage I worked up to merely speak disappeared in that second, and for a while all I could do was staring at the floor again. My mouth felt dry, and it became hard to breathe.  
“Don’t you think you have done enough for today? If I tell you to leave, just leave at once.”  
“I was thinking –”  
My mind was blank, but I forced myself to focus on something – something to ground me. Whenever things got tough, whenever I was discouraged or sad –  
Whenever my mind wandered into dark places –  
I returned to that rainy summer day, when Fuyutsuki and I were forced to take shelter under the branches of a large tree.  
We actually got back there a few times afterwards. Fuyutsuki even tried to climb the tree, only to fail and almost break her neck in the process. I ended up having to show her how to do it. And that place among the thick branches and the green leaves – that was my safe place.  
“Let me go back to my village.”  
“Huh?”  
When I finally spoke Toji’s anger had only slightly subdued, but she looked more than incredulous upon hearing my suggestion.  
“I know we failed you, but we can still fix this. I’ll ask Suiten-sama to help.”  
“Who is this Suiten-sama?”  
“The god of the lake.”  
“HAH,” Toji burst into laughter, but not the cheery kind, “as if I needed the help of some god to get Ginko back.”  
“I’m not saying you cannot do this on your own, I’m saying this way we can get Ginko back faster. We have no idea where the dragon flew off to, and I am sure it will be much easier for Suiten-sama to find it. After all she has an advantage over you: _she can fly_.” I might actually have said that with a half-pleased smirk. “I’d never doubt your abilities – I am suggesting this for Ginko’s sake.”  
Toji seemed to ponder on my words for some time. She inhaled deeply from her kiseru – once, twice. For a moment it almost felt like she forgot I was even there, but eventually she replied to me.  
“You may go.”  
“Thank you.”  
“Now get the hell out.” 

This time I did as I was ordered. 

When I closed the door behind me I felt a cold sweat covering my skin, and a shiver running all over my body. 

I returned to the bedroom determined to grab my bathing stuff –

But when I slid the door open, I found Michiko pinning Hime down by her arms, Yukiko tightly holding her legs, Chisako sitting on her stomach, and Hyouko squatting by, just looking at the scene as though it were normal.  
Of course, as soon as I stepped in, all of their eyes were on me.  
“W-What are you doing here –”  
“Extorting information, of course.”  
It was Hyouko who answered me – perhaps she was not busy holding Hime in place because she was the one asking the questions? Not going to lie, even though Hyouko was not overly aggressive or violent, she was among the scariest in the bunch.  
“You fucked up big time, huh.” Chisako spoke in her usual foul fashion, this time with a pinch of mockery. “Hime couldn’t resist the torture, so we’re up to date.”  
“T-torture…”  
Her grin was just devilish.  
“S-save me, Himiko.”  
What did they do to Hime?!  
For Hime to ask me to help her, they must have done something nightmarish to her.  
“Shut up, bitch.”  
And then, without hesitating –  
Chisako started to tickle Hime. Her neck, armpits, sides – that wasn’t the first time they did that, it was clear she knew where her most ticklish spots were.  
“PLEASE STOP, I BEG YOU.”  
Hime had real tears in her eyes.  
To think she had such a dumb weakness…  
I slid close the door again. 

But I was caught immediately by Michiko. 

Luckily, though, I wasn’t submitted to any torture and Hime was, at last, released. It looked like that might have happened to me in the event I left Toji’s office before Hime did, or maybe Hime would have fallen victim to the other girls regardless since that seemed such a tailor-made treatment. 

I won’t be able to look at her the same way ever again. 

Anyway we sat in circle, a small lamp in the center casting ominous lights on our faces. A perfect setting if only we were about to tell some horror stories – and what just happened with Toji could almost qualify as one. 

“What were you doing in Toji’s room until now?”  
Hime had finally caught her breath, but she was plainly embarrassed for what I just witnessed.  
“I had something to ask her.”  
“What? Do you have a way to get Ginko-chan back?”  
This time it was Michiko who spoke. She had a weirdly stern expression, but perhaps that was a trick of the light; maybe she was just worried.  
“Not really, I –” I just realised that was not something I could discuss with them, or was it? “I know someone whom I can ask for help, but I’ll have to go back home. I’m going to leave first thing tomorrow morning.”  
Everyone just looked at me, silently. I was vague enough, right? I couldn’t have been any vaguer than that, and yet they all stared as if I said something very strange. Something inappropriate.  
“I see,” Yukiko finally broke the silence, “well, we should do anything we can to get her back.”  
Hime was sitting next to me, and I could sense her getting tenser with each passing second. Unlike the others who were harder to read, Hime’s energy was just overwhelming. She was like an open book.  
“It’s not your fault.” I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to comfort her, or if I was supposed to do so in the first place. Yet, as much as we didn’t get along, I still didn’t like seeing her that upset. “In the end, we made this decision together – you, I, and Ginko-chan. It might have been the wrong decision, but we can still fix this.”  
“Mhm –”  
“What Toji-sama told you wasn’t right.” Michiko’s words surprised me. Being the eldest, she was also the one supposed to enforce the rules Toji decided. In other words, Michiko was her right arm, and never had she disagreed with her. “I’m sure she didn’t really believe those words. We weren’t there, so we cannot judge the choices you made. At least I am glad you two and the people present there weren’t hurt. As for Ginko-chan, I am certain we can find her and get her back.”  
That was some real big sis energy. I can’t deny I was a bit impressed.  
“Yup, let’s kick this dragon’s ass together!”  
Chisako got all worked up and punched the air with her little fists, making us all laugh in unison. 

It was nice to laugh like that. For just a little bit. 

I was worried for Ginko, but at the same time I knew we could save her. Well, she did say I’d manage to find her, but there was no way I could believe such mushy words. The world is not that convenient. I wasn’t going to find her with just the power of friendship. But if Suiten was going to help me – or Suiten and Shishirui-dono, even – then, yes, I was sure I could find her, even if the dragon flew to the other side of the earth. Somehow I had no doubts Suiten was going to accept. Just like Chisako, I had a feeling she might have enjoyed the prospect of punching a dragon. And unlike Chisako’s fists, Suiten’s punches might even work. 

After some idle chatter, both Hime and I were released. I was going to be gone for almost a week and I had to make preparations. Hime actually asked me if I wanted her to come with me, but I declined. Not because of our usual bickering, I just wanted to be alone on my way back home. How to put it – it was an experience just for myself. 

How was I going to feel? 

Would everyone be happy to see me so soon? Honestly I couldn’t wait to see Fuyutsuki again, as well as to behold the state in which the shrine was. Did Suiten dress properly? Did she comb her hair properly? I didn’t like the idea, but I still hoped she found another miko or something like that. 

That god couldn’t be left alone. 

Ah, obviously I was feeling excited.  
And happy.  
My heart was full of expectations when I set on my trip the following day.

Of course, you already know what I found at the end of my journey.  
Or rather –  
What I didn’t find. 


	8. 008

The journey back to Nure Temple was long and gruelling. As I said, the previous story was meant to be a stand-alone – I had a responsibility to end it on a positive note. But as it is often the case, things were not so easy, nor were my feelings so simple.

I had lost my home and my family once.  
And I left knowing I lost my home and my family again.

What could have happened, I had no idea. It was that lack of knowledge pained me the most. It made it impossible to properly mourn my loss. Because it was inexplicable, because it was odd  – because it was more likely a supernatural phenomenon, I simply couldn’t come to terms with it. What caused it, and why? I began to wonder whether it had anything to do with Shirayamatsumi. Perhaps they had been wrong all along, and their “sacrifice” was for nothing. Or was it entirely unrelated to all that, and it was just my sense of self-loathing making me see it as though it was somehow connected to me?

It didn’t matter how long I racked my brain. After all, I had no idea of what could have happened after I left a few months ago, and there was no one whom I could ask.

Somehow, Toji seemed to have a better grasp of the situation than I did.

Once I returned she immediately demanded to see me. Surprisingly, no one else was at the temple or at the house; apparently everyone had been focusing on finding clues about the dragon’s nest, and that task alone kept everyone quite busy. Yet Toji was in her room, as usual, enshrouded in smoke.

“What’s with the long face, Himiko-chan~?”  
She welcomed me with her usual cheery tone and a smile. I doubted she got over her rage, but at the very least she subdued it for good. As for me, I actually wasn’t sure how to approach that question. Honestly I didn’t want to tell her my journey was for naught – firstly, because she could have seen it as yet another failure; secondly, because I really, really, _really_ didn’t want to talk about it. However, I couldn’t hide the truth despite my feelings. I had to tell her sooner or later, and it may as well be as soon as possible.  
“I – I couldn’t find Suiten-sama… or anyone else.”  
“Oh? What do you mean?”  
Toji was suddenly interested, a reaction I did not expect.  
“When I arrived everyone in the village, including Suiten-sama, was gone. I have reason to believe Shishirui-dono is gone, too. I ran into a few people but they were too afraid to talk about what happened.”  
“Ha.” She answered just like that, her nails tapping against the desk’s surface. “You mean as if everyone was spirited away?”  
“I guess – I guess that is the best way to describe it.”  
“So you’re saying the supernatural was involved, yet neither a god nor a specialist like Seishirou could deal with it?”  
“That’s what it looked like.”

Why can’t we end this conversation?

Toji seemed to think for a while longer, calmly. Was it safe to assume that at least I didn’t have to face her anger again? Because I for sure wasn’t ready, or in the right mindset for that.

“I’m going to break the rules, Himiko-chan, but for a good reason. I am going to ask something personal.”  
“Something personal?”  
“Well, I wouldn’t say personal in the sense that it is strictly about you – it is personal because you may have never been asked this question, or you may have never told this to anyone.”  
Something I was never asked or that I never told anyone?  
Just get to the point already.  
“What is it?”  
“What did you think of your god, this Suiten-sama? I have a vague understanding of what happened – after you arrived, I did some research. It seems like this god sprouted quite literally from the lake, and since then the region around it relished its newly-found fortunes. And yet, that very region found itself in the middle of a supernatural crisis, which is where the other god, Shirayamatsumi, comes into play. Where you come into play. This much Seishirou was kind enough to share with me.” For the first time since I came here, I saw Toji put down her kiseru. She came to sit on the desk in front of me. “Something is amiss in this story. And I believe this is also related to whatever spirited everyone away.”  
“What do you mean?”  
Toji smirked.  
A grim, amused smirk.  
“I have been doing some research – cutting-edge research, even. Research is what I do first and foremost, and there is a poorly documented phenomenon I am particularly interested in ~”  
“Poorly documented? Why?”  
“Because it doesn’t occur often.”  
“So, when does it occur?”  
“How to put it – it is an enforcer. Perhaps, a punisher.”  
“And what does it have to do with Suiten-sama? I am not sure what you’d like to know when you ask me what I thought of her.”  
“I think you do though, my dear~”  
I looked away. I knew she wasn’t asking about her personality. She was asking my opinion – as a specialist. But that was not something I thought I’d ever share. Not something I thought I’d ever say out loud.

Yet – if it could help me make sense of what happened.  
If only I – could understand it.

She was gone. Shishirui-dono was gone.  
But was it the right thing, still?  
Did I actually even have a choice?

Be still, my heart.

“Suiten-sama… I don’t think she was a real god.”

I said it. I pulled out that thorn and it hurt more than I thought.    
“Teheh, that’s what Shinsho thought, too.”

Wait –  
What?

“By the way, you pulled quite a number on him. But I see, so you knew. Even a child with so little experience could see it, and yet Seishirou failed to do so – it saddens me. I wonder why.” Toji leaned towards me, holding my head in her hands, forcing me to look at her. “You may not like what I’m about to tell you, Himiko-chan. I can see you are distraught. Despite being lied to, you loved this god. I understand, there is no shame in this. But because of this love of yours, you have been complicit in perpetuating this lie.  
“Please allow me to clear some misunderstandings for you.  
“Seishirou made two fatal mistakes.  
“For instance, he mistook an oddity for a god. I am sure he had his reasons to believe it, and from what I gathered, you may even say this oddity was god-like. Being able to perform a miracle is enough to grant you such a name. Even so, that was not her nature.  
“Then, he and this Suiten dug their own grave. Once your origin was revealed – once they found you were, indeed, the last miracle performed by a withering god, they should have made you the new god of the mountain. This, my dear, was the real solution.  
“Why didn’t they do it, I wonder~?  
“I guess Seishirou was uncomfortable with turning a young girl into an oddity. I guess he thought your human side was more important than your relation to the god. He’d have rather saved you as a human, rather than sacrifice you in the process.  
“What about Suiten? Did she even know? Being an oddity doesn’t necessarily grant you knowledge about other oddities. It is possible she didn’t even consider it.  
“Finally, Shirayamatsumi. They must have known. With your connection, Seishirou could have easily settled this. You simply had to let it take over – step to the other side. You, Himiko-chan, would have likely disappeared, but seeing how things developed, it might have been for the greater good.  
“You barely solved anything.  
“All of them – chose an ending that could satisfy everyone.  
“And you, too, my dear.  
“You knew Suiten was not a god, but you became complicit.  
“You tried to make everyone happy, too.  
“However, Himiko-chan, there is no such thing as a happy ending for everyone.  
“And this is why you made everyone miserable in the end.  
“Because you are miserable, aren’t you? You, the only survivor once again – teheh, you must be the most miserable of them all.  
“Because none of you chose the truth, but a white lie.  
“This, Himiko-chan, is also your fault.”   
I may have been holding my breath the whole time. I turned cold under the touch of her hands.  
“No… this may be mostly your fault.”

She let go of me, and finally she reached for her kiseru again.

“I’m sorry you found out this way~”  
That wasn’t sincere at all.  
“And what does it have to do with that research of yours?”  
I didn’t want to show her what her words did to me – how they wounded me.  
“Oh, right~”  
Toji hopped off the desk and she started searching for something in the myriads of scrolls and papers. So much for cutting-edge research. As far as I could tell it was buried somewhere she might have forgotten.  
“Found it, found it~”  
She waved a bunch of scrolls and tossed them at me. Assuming she wanted me to read them myself, I unrolled them and found a dense wall of text. I couldn’t help but sigh, but I still started to skim through the first one. Quite honestly the handwriting was also close to unreadable.  
“Can’t you just summarise this?”  
“How rude. Such findings cannot be summarised.”   
_Then make them readable at least_. My tolerance for Toji’s shenanigans were close to zero by then – actually, I was already beyond the utter annoyance point. She seemed to realise it, and she came close again – to hug me. Well, it is more accurate to say she leant towards me, placed my head against her chest, and patted my head.  
It made me shiver.  
I hated it.  
“There, there, I know you are sad now, but there is no reason to react like this ~ You can keep that to read later, okay? But in a few words, it appears even the supernatural world has to abide by some rules. As far as I know, there seems to only be one: they cannot pretend to be something they are not. Clearly there are various interesting things to infer from there, but the main takeaway is that this law does not forgive impostors.”  
“So you’re saying Suiten was punished for lying about what she was?”  
“Exactly.”  
As soon as she let go of me I made sure to stand up and ready myself to leave. I couldn’t bear being in that room for a second longer, I couldn’t stand listening to Toji for a moment longer.  
“Tomorrow you can join the others with their work – Hime-chan has been taking care of everyone’s regular jobs as a punishment, but I guess I’ll lift my order tomorrow. She might find it unfair, but I think you have received your fair amount of punishment, too ~”

With those words and a malicious grin, she saw me off.

By the time we were done talking nobody had returned yet. Rather than heading to the bedroom, I headed towards the temple instead. As expected, that was empty, too, except for the dragon statue on the altar concealed in the quasi-darkness.

“A law to punish impostors…”

If Toji was right, then of course I could see why Suiten would attract the attention of such an entity. But what about everyone else? What about Shishirui-dono and everyone else in the village who did not know her to be an impostor? On what basis they had to be punished? And why I wasn’t? If anything, I was the only one who should have disappeared. As Toji said, I was complicit. I was a liar to the same extent that Suiten was. Then, why? What did everyone have to do with it? Is believing a lie as worthy of retribution as weaving the lie itself?

I didn’t understand it.  
I didn’t accept it.

Everyone else – was innocent.  
“Fuyu-chan, too…”  
I finally let myself cry. The feelings I had been carrying since I arrived at the village by the lake swelled and erupted all at once. The loss of my family and my home the first time was something I could work through – as tragic as it might have been, it was a series of events that lead to a logical conclusion, one that I had no choice but to accept. But this time – this time it was different. I understood the logic of the events, but that conclusion was too brutal, too abrupt, _too much_. That loss – didn’t make sense.

_I didn’t understand it.  
I didn’t accept it. _ 

I held the scroll Toji gave me so harshly it became all wrinkled between my hands, I almost wanted to tear it apart into small, tiny pieces.  
Even if I did, though, that wouldn’t solve anything.  
Anything I could do – it was too late for that.  
And even if I wanted to do something, Ginko was gone somewhere and it didn’t seem like any progress was made. At the very least – I wanted to find her. To save her.

I wiped away my tears and looked at the dragon statue. After the first time when I found her here, I knew Ginko had a habit of coming to the temple early to take care of it. I never quite understood her fascination with it, and I never dared to ask. So I decided to look at it up close, and I could make out that the surface was difference from what I’d have expected. It wasn’t smooth stone, it looked quite irregular in different places.  
I touched it.  
That just confirmed my impression, but it also made me realise that whatever material that was, it was not something I was familiar with. I tried looking for more clues with my hands, when a thought occurred to me.

_Some of these feel like scales_.

That thought struck me and I stepped away from the statue.

That thought and the many more that followed started whirling in my head.

Why could Ginko hear the dragon _talk_?  
Even if the possibility existed that it could somewhat communicate telepathically with a selected person, then why her? Sure, it could be coincidence, but there is no such thing as fortuity when it comes to oddities.  
Let’s assume for a second that Ginko was _the only one the dragon could communicate with_.  
“That would mean the dragon and Ginko are connected.”  
It was hard to imagine where that connection was, but not impossible. I was born because of a god’s interference, and that was more than enough to make our connection so strong to make of me a natural vessel for it. What if Ginko had a similar relation to this dragon?

But more importantly – did she know?

And even more importantly –

“Toji must know.”

Toji was hiding something. From all of us – and probably from Ginko. She knew more about this situation than it transpired, which would also explain her outburst when Hime and I told her of what happened in the village. _So much for all that talk about impostors._

“Which means – I cannot rely on her.”  
“On who?”

I was so focused on following that thread of thoughts, hearing a voice truly startled me. When I turned to look at who it was, I found Hime standing by the entrance.  
“No one.”  
I wasn’t sure I could tell anyone about this. I knew I had to keep it for myself for the time being, and I just hoped Hime swallowed that and left me alone. Her answer indeed relieved me.  
“I see.” She walked inside to approach me, perhaps suspicious of whatever I could be doing there alone. “Since you left I had to work for two the whole time. Toji-sama forced me to take on everyone’s regular jobs.”  
“She told me. She also said we’ll both be allowed to join the others starting tomorrow.”  
“Hmpf, of course you’d return at such a convenient time.”  
“I also received my fair amount of punishment.”  
Hime frowned at that reply.  
“Toji-sama said you went to look for some god. Did you find it?”  
“I didn’t.”  
“Jeez –,” I expected her to follow with something like _why are you so useless_ , or _so all you did was wasting time_ , but instead she squinted, looking at me closely. “Have you been crying?”  
“What? No.”  
I instinctively started to walk to leave the building, avoiding to look at Hime.  
“If you say so…”

Everyone returned and the evening proceeded uneventful. Nobody asked me about my journey, and Hime had quickly stopped asking questions herself.

Later I failed to sleep, despite the fact that I was completely exhausted.

I had no idea what time it was, but I was staring at the ceiling when I heard someone getting up. With a peek I noticed it was Hime. She grabbed her uniform, her bow, and her arrows, and she seemed ready to leave.  
I waited for her to leave the room, and I got up too.  
I also grabbed my uniform – and my dagger.

Without thinking about the consequences, I decided to follow Hime. Of course I knew that meant breaking the rules everyone so diligently abided to, but in that moment I simply didn’t care. I wanted to know what was her business at that hour of the night.

She was extremely wary, and following her proved to be harder than I expected, but somehow she never noticed me as we passed through the forest and headed for the village. The streets were empty, which also hindered my pursuit, but by that point Hime appeared to be focused not on being followed, but rather on whatever she came to do here.

There were a couple of sake shops where the lights were still on, and for a moment it looked as though she was heading in one of these. But then she took a turn, and from where I was I couldn’t follow her without bumping into her, so I had to take another road and hope I’d find her again. I sneaked through smaller streets and found my way to the point where I expected her to be.

And I did find her.

Holding tight on the bowstring and nock. Seemingly aiming at nothing – it was hard to make out the direction she was aiming for, but I risked being found in order to find that out. She was aiming somewhere right by the entrance of one of such shops.

I realised in that moment Nure Temple was the perfect place for me – it is only fair for a liar to live in a nest of liars.

Hime didn’t go out in the middle of the night to hunt –  
She was there to kill.  


	9. 009 (Hime)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although there are no graphic descriptions, this chapter contains references to past (sexual) abuse and sensitive topics, therefore proceed with caution.

Needless to say, I was noticed.   


I was expecting Hime to lose her temper the moment she laid her eyes on me, but contrary to all my expectations – perhaps, contrary to all my hopes – she acted as though she didn’t see me at all. As though that didn’t change a single thing. 

A few people had started to leave, but she didn’t move a single muscle. 

My heartbeat was a loud thumping in my ears. 

After a few moments that seemed to last an eternity only Hime, me, and the last patron who was taking his sweet time before heading back home were left. 

I noticed her mouthing some words to herself, and then she inhaled, holding her breath – in other words, she was preparing herself to shoot. I had been with Hime long enough to notice she had such little habits, and I could never make out what it was that she always murmured to herself. Not like it was time for such musings – if anything, I knew I ran out of time completely. 

So, I didn’t think.  
I couldn’t let myself think. 

I sprinted towards her, and using all the strength I could muster I pushed her into the close-by alley. Or, well, that was more or less the result of my action – when I grabbed her, I caused her to let go of the bowstring, so the arrow was shot but failed to find its target. She struggled, of course, because this is Hime we’re talking about, but after much hair pulling I successfully shoved her aside. Whoever that person was, he failed to really notice us in his drunken haze.  
“Let me go!”  
Now, that was a dumb demand.  
“Don’t be stupid, what the hell are you doing?!”  
“This is none of your business, Himiko.”  
She grabbed me by the collar, and she headbutted me with so much violence I actually started bleeding from my nose.  
In that chaos she had lost her hold of the bow, which had been lying on the ground not too far from us. Taking advantage of my surprise (well, my pain) she tried to reach for it again, but since foul play was allowed I decided it was my time to headbutt her. Before she could get the better of me again I unsheathed my dagger and, as Hime had pushed me on the ground trying to stop me, I somehow managed to cut the string. 

In the end we were both sweaty, bleeding, and crawling in dirt.   


For a while our ragged breaths were all that could be heard.  
Until it was perfectly silent, again.  
For just a few moments.   


“What do you think you’re doing?!”  
Hime quickly got back on her feet, and she grabbed my clothes again before I could even properly stand. She had tears and sheer rage in her eyes. She shook me once, twice, and all she could say was just repeat those words – __what do you think you’re doing?  
“What do you think you’re doing is __my question.”  
“Why are you even here? Why did you have to follow me?!”  
I had no answer to that.  
She let go of me, and the anger filling her until that moment disappeared, leaving her eyes hollow.  
“You shouldn’t have stopped me.”  
She spoke, her voice just as empty.  
“H-hey, where do you think you’re going now?!” 

Hime picked her bow from the ground, and she started heading towards the main street. Since she didn’t really listen to my question, I grabbed her by her wrist to stop her, at which she turned suddenly – and slapped me.  
I still didn’t let go of her.  
So she slapped me again.  
“Hime, you know I can’t let you leave by yourself.”  
__No matter how much you beat me up.  
I had it worse than this anyway.  
“You should have never followed me –”  
“But I am glad I did.”  
She gritted her teeth in frustration, seemingly ready to strike me again.  
However, she didn’t.  
What she did – was laughing.  
Tiredly.  
Dejectedly.  
Mockingly.  
“When Ginko found out, she wasn’t so stupidly stubborn.”  
“She knew and did nothing to stop you?”  
I – didn’t know how to feel.  
“Well, of course she asked me why I was doing that – so I explained it to her. I’m not sure she really understood, though. Or maybe she did, and she just thought I was a fool.”  
“So, why are you doing it?” 

She chuckled.  
Bitterly. 

“How could you ever understand?”  
“Perhaps more than you can imagine.”  
“I don’t think you can. I think you really misunderstood me – or everyone else living at the temple, really. Can’t you see it?” She stopped struggling. She didn’t try to evade my hold. She didn’t try to fight. She just stood, and stared at me with those empty eyes. “This is not about monsters. This is about people.”  
I wasn’t sure I understood what she meant. It was true that, ultimately, oddities were _about_ people. But the way she phrased it suggested that there were no oddities at all.  
“Did you know? When you are thinking really hard about something, you furrow your eyebrows so much you almost look pissed off.”  
“Well, I am thinking hard and I am kind of pissed off.”  
“Hah – don’t overthink it with that little head of yours.”  
“Then just tell me what you mean.”  
“I didn’t come to Nure Temple because I had been afflicted by an oddity. I did it because I killed someone – well, more than one person, actually. And if you ask me, I believe the others also came to Toji to wash the blood off their hands.”  
My grip around her wrist loosened slightly.  
“I don’t think – that’s something you can wash off.”  
No matter what I could tell myself –  
No matter what Shirayamatsumi told me –  
I, too, had my hands stained with blood.  
“You’re right, you can’t.” Hime’s expression was somber all of a sudden, her eyes cast downwards. “But I don’t have a problem with that.”  
“So you think that gives you the right to go and kill off people?”  
“Only those who deserve it.” 

Her cold answer chilled me to the bone. 

Hime sighed, softly. 

“If I tell you something I never told anyone, will you return the favour?”  
I nodded. I cannot deny I was afraid of hearing what she had to say, and as it turned out my fear was not misplaced at all.  
“My mother was some lord’s concubine, and when I was still a kid she got killed by this lord’s very order. What’s that face? I told you I am from a noble family.”  
“Is this really the time for a snide remark?”  
For the first time I was certain Hime wasn’t lying. I had no objective reason to believe her, maybe. Yet, the way she averted her eyes – with hesitation, perhaps even shame –, the way she looked at me, again… I couldn’t not believe her.  
I just knew. What Hime was about to say – that would be the absolute truth.  
“I guess – this is kind of tragic. Anyway, after that I swore I’d avenge her. That was also the first time I decided to change my name, by the way.  
“I worked hard and made sure I could someday make it in this lord’s house. I wasn’t against using the cheapest tricks in the books, so I used his sons in order to gain favours – I guess I let them use me so that I could use them. Men can be so stupid. Anyway, I played all the cards I had. Eventually, I started seeing most of my wishes granted. Money, clothing. If my wish was learning archery with the youngest son, so be it. No one suspects their servant-whore – so long as they feel like they are in power.  
“I didn’t like it, but it was for a just cause.  
“All those days spent lying and deceiving really paid off.  
“I’ll make it short, but once I had the chance, I didn’t kill just the lord. I killed his sons, too. When they least expected it they were stabbed with an arrow through their heart.”  
_ Literally and figuratively.  
_ “Did you come to Nure Temple after that?”

At that point I had let go of her.  
There was no name to the feelings storming inside me. 

“I did. And that’s when I realised most of the people who come to us – for most of them, dealing with whatever monster afflict them doesn’t solve their suffering forever. Because I knew what their hell looked like… I couldn’t pretend I didn’t notice.”  
_And because I couldn’t look away_ – _I washed blood with blood_.  
Hime said that with a faint smile on her lips.  
“Even so – this is not your choice to make.”  
“The man you decided whose life was worth sparing,” Hime ignored me, or, maybe, she didn’t even listen to me, “his daughter came to us while you were on your trip. She thought an evil spirit was possessing him. So I investigated the matter a bit on my own, and I can assure you no evil spirit was making him abuse his wife and daughter. This girl’s problem is not some supernatural monster – it is just a human monster. And you let him go.” 

I understood what she meant.  
I knew what she meant.  
In all honesty, I couldn’t even say I thought she was completely wrong.  
Even so –

“I cannot let you continue on this path.”  
Were there any right words for me to say? I don’t think so.  
Whatever I could tell her would be pointless, and meaningless.  
I realised there was nothing to argue, nothing to debate – as much as we could discuss over what is right and what is wrong, whether there was any virtue in her actions, if her deeds could be justified at all, all of that would be but empty words. 

I couldn’t change her mind.  
And I wouldn’t.  
“What will you do? Stop me?”  
“I don’t think I can, can I?”  
Was there a right thing for me to do? Probably not.  
Except, perhaps, for one.  
“However, I will ask you to.”  
“And why would I listen to you?”  
“Because your present, and your past – you shouldn’t have to bear it all on your own.”

_ It doesn’t matter how many names you change.  
It doesn’t matter who you have pretended to be.  _

“Because you’re no longer alone – it might be hard on your own, but together we can move on.” 

_ It doesn’t matter how many lives you lived.  
It doesn’t matter how many lives you took. _

“Let me bear that burden with you.” 

I don’t need to forgive you, because your pain doesn’t need to be forgiven.  
So, I’ll accept it.  
Neither of us – really had a different choice. 

I thought she might laugh at me, but she didn’t.  
Hime turned her back to me, heading whence we came.  
However, it didn’t seem like she was on a chase. 

I followed her closely, and she really was heading back home. We met no one else in the village, which had finally fallen in a deep slumber. Once we left the last houses behind, all that awaited was the silence of the night.

Exhaustion quickly caught up with me.  
Physical, and emotional. 

It was hard to make sense of what happened right there, right then. As I watched Hime’s back, I wondered if what I said made sense at all. Perhaps it had been arrogant of me to say I could shoulder that pain with her, when I wasn’t sure I could even understand it. All I knew was that I didn’t want to leave her alone in that hell. 

The other girls, too –

If Hime was right, I guess I really had been naive. 

However, Hime’s voice cut through the silence, snapping the thread of my thoughts.  
“It’s your turn now.”

Ah –  
I almost forgot about her request from earlier.

“You promised you’d return the favour.” 

My heart fell quiet.  
And the dagger hanging by my side felt heavier. 

As I watched her back, I realised I was wrong: Hime and I were not like oil and water. Hime and I – were more similar than I thought.  
I owed her that answer.  
And after a day spent unravelling lies – that was the last truth I had to tell myself.   


“I killed my father.”  
“I see.”

Hime kept walking without looking at me.   


“We’ll have to bear that burden together.” 


	10. 010

After we returned, Hime and I immediately snuck to bed. We only had a few hours of rest left, and by that time I was so thoroughly exhausted that I might have fallen asleep even before lying down on my futon. However, my sleep was far from peaceful. 

It had been a while since I had such a vivid dream – 

“This isn’t really a dream, though.”  
That’s what Ginko said, but it was quite hard to believe.  
She was sitting on the ground, her arms wrapped around her knees. Around us there was just darkness, and her face was even paler in the dark, her red gaze even brighter. That silvery aura really made her look like an apparition.  
When she noticed me, she invited me to sit next to her.  
I had the impression she had been waiting for me.  
“I wonder what is this feeling –”  
“Mh –?”  
I was fairly confused and I didn’t try to hide it.  
I approached her, but I didn’t sit down.  
“In the end, I am the one who found you.”  
“What you told me that day didn’t really –”  
“I know. Still, I hoped. Just a little bit.”  
The fact that Ginko – clumsily indecisive, good-natured Ginko – interrupted me told me that this was a dream.  
I sat. 

“Perhaps I am a little sad.”  
Ginko sounded genuinely aggrieved.  
“Disappointing people is all I have been doing lately, anyway.”  
“Mmh –? What happened in my absence?”  
That was an oddly elaborated conversation. It was starting to creep me out.  
“I guess first we lost you, then I lost Suiten, and tonight I lost a little of myself – maybe.”  
“Who is Suiten?”  
Ginko closed the little distance between us, her shoulder against mine.  
“You are in my head, shouldn’t you know?”  
“This is not a dream.”  
She frowned, clearly irritated.  
“If this is not a dream, then what is it?”  
I tried to get an answer from her, but Ginko simply evaded my question.  
“It’s hard to explain…”  
“If this is not a dream, then where are you?”  
That much I thought I had a right to know.  
“There is no need to tell you – I’m coming back tomorrow.” 

Oh.  
I can’t say that was an answer I expected. 

“Then shouldn’t we talk tomorrow?”  
“I’m not sure there will be much time tomorrow. There is something I need to ask you, Hi-chan.”  
“Please don’t call me that anymore.” I didn’t want to hear that nickname anymore. The pang I felt in my chest almost left me breathless. “What do you have to ask me?”  
“What do you think of Nure temple?”  
She was so much more assertive, more straightforward than the Ginko I knew. And while I thought that was proof that this was a dream, why would I dream of her like this? Even if it was a figment of my imagination, shouldn’t it at least resemble reality?  
There was only an answer I could give to myself – and to her.  
“It is not what it seems.”  
Her soft smile was finally reminiscent of the Ginko I knew.  
“It really isn’t. Just as you and I are not what we seem. Though the things we seem to be are not necessarily fake – or a lie.”  
“I haven’t had time to recover yet, I’m not sure I follow you.”  
Ginko chuckled, as if I had just cracked a joke. Actually I wasn’t sure if she was laughing because of what I said, or if she was just laughing at me.  
“This isn’t funny.”  
She rested her head against my shoulder, sighing deeply.  
“I really missed you, Himiko.”  
Despite the emptiness around us, those words didn’t echo in the darkness. I missed her, too, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to say it out loud.  
Faced with my silence, Ginko continued talking.  
“I couldn’t get it at first, but now I understand what is this affinity I felt with you since we met. It was impossible to place my finger on it, but now I know there is something we share.”  
As she intertwined her fingers with mine, my heart skipped a beat.  
“W-w-wha-what do you mean.”  
“Neither of us is _ completely _ human.” When I looked at her, Ginko was staring at me with her bright red eyes. “In a way, you could say that of the other girls, too, but it would be just a metaphor. And there is more to what Toji is doing than it seems – this is what I meant earlier. What you – we – have believed until now isn’t entirely false, there is just more truth behind it.” 

So – the hunch I had about the dragon having a special relation to Ginko was correct?

“It seems like there is a lot you want to talk about, and yet you keep speaking in half-riddles. This is unlike you.”  
“It isn’t unlike me, it is just something you didn’t know about me. Do you dislike it?”  
“It is a bit frustrating.”  
“I see. I’m sorry.”  
She didn’t really need to apologise, but – whether that was a dream or not, the purpose of that conversation was still a mystery to me. Was it supposed to be a warning? Was she trying to prepare me for what was to come?  
“I don’t know everything myself yet.”  
“You knew about Hime.”  
Her hold tightened ever so subtly.  
“I knew about what she was doing, yes.”  
The image of Hime pointing her arrow at that man was crystalline clear in my head, and so was her anger, her _fury_ when I got in her way.  
“And yet you didn’t ask her why? You didn’t try to do anything?”  
“I was scared. But above all, I was scared I wouldn’t understand her.” 

It was something – she didn’t want to know.  
Perhaps the things she learnt, the things she came to know – maybe those were things she wish she hadn’t known, too.  
If she wasn’t _completely_ human, then what was she?  
What about the other girls?  
And Toji – what was it  that she was hiding in plain sight? 

“Did she tell you?”  
Ginko was looking somewhere in the darkness when she asked that question, and I couldn’t help but wonder where her mind was wandering to.  
“She did.”  
Upon hearing my answer a smile curled her lips.  
“You are kind, Himiko – unlike me. That’s another reason why I like you.”  
Why did she have to say such embarrassing things all the time?  
“Now I understand. The point of this conversation was just to tease me…”  
“Eheh, perhaps it was.”  
She was trying to be smug about it – poorly. Her expression was so weird, the grin she made so out of place that I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. Finally I was the one laughing at her, something that apparently didn’t sit too well with Ginko, who had turned red from her neck to the tips of her ears.  
At last, the tables have turned.  
“Stop laughing already…”  
“You have been toying with me for the past two pages and a half, let me have a small victory for just a short paragraph.”  
“I guess that’s fine…”  
But a short paragraph was all she conceded.  
She let go of my hand, and she moved to sit in front me.  
Her cheeks were still red, yet she had a weirdly determined look.  
“Himiko.”  
It is hard to explain, but the way she said my name – it made my heart gasp. I may have even forgotten to breathe for a few seconds.  
Her eyes were peeking at me curiously. She was so close I could have counted her light eyelashes one by one – not like I would have been able to focus on that, of course.  
That closeness –  
It made me feel vulnerable.  
“What is it now?”  
My voice faltered.  
“Can I kiss you?” 

That was time to wake up, wasn’t it?  
Surely I got plenty of rest and hours passed by. 

I didn’t wake up, though.

“Is that a no –?”  
“I mean, I’m not sure what you mean by –”  
“Don’t you know what a kiss is?”  
“Of course I know what a kiss is!”  
It wasn’t exactly the most appropriate time, but my mind went back to that conversation I had with Suiten when she barged in while I was in the middle of my bath. She had asked me if I had an _ interest _ in Fuyutsuki, which I shrugged off as a preposterous question (also, not her business). Honestly, I just never gave much thought to these things – I’m not sure I ever fell in love with anyone. It made it hard to say what my feelings for Ginko were. I thought she was pretty, sure, but did that mean anything? I also enjoyed the time I spent with her – and as I said, I have been missing her. She was the one with whom I spent most of my time. Of course I skipped those months in which mostly nothing happened, but maybe something happened between us?

Did I have a crush on Ginko? 

“W-why would you want to kiss?”  
“Mmh –” She tilted her head to the side, looking at me as though I said something plainly stupid. “Because I like you, of course.”  
“How do you know that?”  
“I just know. You really ask the weirdest questions.”  
That just turned out to be the most intricate dream I ever had.  
“I’m not sure I have it figured it out…”  
“You have the face of someone who is overthinking it.”  
Oh no – was that the expression Hime mentioned? Was I always such an open book?  
I instinctively tried to cover my face with both my hands, but Ginko grabbed them first.  
“It’s fine if you don’t have it figured it out. I’m only asking if you’d like to kiss or not.”  
I guess I couldn’t say I didn’t want to. I was flustered because that was a lot to think about all at once. Though I guess I might have been ignoring the issue altogether.  
“It’s fine…”       
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes.”

My heart was extremely loud, way too loud. 

I didn’t really know what to expect, and the moment Ginko leant towards me I just shut my eyes. 

My cheeks were burning. I only hoped I wasn’t making some other weird expression. 

When she finally kissed me, though, I suddenly felt less tense – or at least, less tense than I thought I would be. I guess it was also better than I expected. Her lips were softer than I imagined, too.    


“Hopefully, next time you will kiss me.”  
She said that while still a breath away from my face.  
“I cannot believe your audacity…”  
“I just made up my mind while I was away.”  
Ginko still walked away with a dragon without much of a moment of hesitation – she was always hesitant and she struggled to take sides, but it was true she could be fairly stubborn herself once she set her mind on something.  
“Perhaps I will kiss you, perhaps I will not. We will see.”  
It was my turn to be smug, but Ginko looked like she took my answer differently. She seemed – saddened. I doubted it was because of my poor attempt at being cocky, yet I couldn’t fathom what it was that crossed her mind and blew out the spark in her eyes.  
“What’s wrong?”  
“From what you said… should I assume you forgave Hime?”  
“There was nothing to forgive.”  
I was not in a position to forgive anything. I made too many mistakes myself to even consider I could do something as condescending as _forgiving_ Hime.  
“Then what did you do?”  
“I did nothing. The only thing I can do is to share that burden with her.”  
Ginko pondered on those words for a while. It was easy to tell there was something she was struggling with, I just – wish she felt like she could share it.  
“What aren’t you telling me?”  
She shuddered subtly, her expression one of surprise and fright, as though she did not think I’d go ahead and actually ask it.  
“The one thing I’m not ready to know yet is whether you’re going to hate me after I tell you.” 

She let go of my hands to cup my cheeks. 

“Whether this is a burden you would be willing to share, or worse –” 

She looked – desperate. 

“Whether you will need to forgive me.” 

I didn’t know how to comfort her. Not knowing what she meant, not knowing what was paining her, it was simply impossible for me to help her. Being unable to do anything hurt me, too. The sensation of lightness was gone, replaced with much heavier feelings that weighed in my chest. 

“You said you like me, and yet you cannot even trust me that much?”    
Of course, I couldn’t know what she would do. I couldn’t know what she knew, the actions she would take. I couldn’t know whether I would agree with her choices. I honestly wasn’t even saying I would support her no matter what, or that my opinion of her would never change – that wasn’t something I could decide well before anything happened, was it? However, as much as I didn’t given up on Hime, I wouldn’t abandon Ginko either.  
Besides – although I had no proof, I had a few ideas of what could happen.  
Just a couple of likely scenarios.  
“I guess you’re right – I should trust you.”  
_ When that time will come, I will believe in you.  
_ She said those words in a whisper, letting go of me.

So –

I pulled her close to hug her. Her hair was really soft to the touch when I ran my fingers through it. 

“There are only two things I need to know. Should I trust Toji?”  
If she didn’t want to talk about everything right then right there, that was fine.  
But I needed some answers to prepare myself.  
“You shouldn’t.”  
Ginko replied briefly, her face buried in the nook of my neck.  
“Should I trust the others?”  
“I’m not sure. But you can trust Hime.”  
“Thought so.”  
“I have to go now.”  
However, she didn’t really let go of me.  
“I will see you soon, anyway.” 

Will she really come back? I didn’t dare voice out loud that doubt again, because that would surely irk her. If that wasn’t a dream, then I would find out either way. 

If that was a dream, though, then I had a wilder imagination than I thought. 

I just nodded in response.  
“I will see you at the beginning of the end.”  


	11. 011 (Ginko)

I woke up feeling freezing cold. Upon opening my eyes, the first thing I saw was Hime’s face – she was staring at me, and I had the feeling she had been doing that for a while already. I didn’t really find the energy to react, though. Be it the exhaustion from the day before or the dream I had, I really couldn’t be bothered to move a single muscle. There didn’t seem to be anyone else in the room, so Hime and I just looked at each other for a few minutes – until I had to ask.  
“What are you doing…?”  
“Wondering if it would be best to get rid of the witnesses.”  
“It’s too soon for these jokes.”  
Hime chuckled, still looming above me.  
“You seem to be in a good mood.”  
“Indeed, I am. You look like a wreck.”  
“I feel like one.”  
She bent down, so much that her face covered my entire field of vision. She was partially covering her mouth, as though she didn’t want anyone else to hear what she was about to say. Except, as I said, it was just the two of us.  
“What were you dreaming about?” 

When I heard that question I got up abruptly, headbutting her in the process.  
Again.  
The pain made me recoil back on my futon, and Hime also fell on her side, whimpering. 

“That was uncalled for, you know.”  
Her voice was all muffled – after our _little squabble_ the previous night that headbutt hurt more than it normally would.  
“I didn’t mean to – that’s what happens when you invade people’s personal space.”  
“So? What were you dreaming about?”  
As though she suddenly forgot about her pain already, Hime was back at it with her questioning.  
“That’s none of your business.”  
Was I talking in my sleep? If that were the case, I’d have rather never known about it. It would have been too embarrassing if I said anything out loud – and above all, suspicious.  
“Don’t worry, you were not sleep-talking,” Hime said, reading my mind, “you were just making weird faces as usual and I got curious.”  
“Not again…”  
“Eheh, I bet you never told the audience about it.”  
“No need to break the fourth wall. Besides, it’s not like I am constantly looking in a mirror.”  
“Do you want to know which one is my favourite?”  
“No!”  
“When you get _extremely_ flustered your ears become so red, it gives me second-hand embarrassment.”  
“Shut up, shut up, shut up! Also, where are you looking at?”  
It had been a staring contest until that moment, but now Hime was just looking somewhere beyond my shoulder.  
“I’m looking in the camera.”  
“Fanfictions don’t get anime adaptations.”  
“I thought you said no fourth wall-breaking.”  
All I could do was grunt in frustration.  
“If I ever get to be a narrator, I am going to describe  those faces you made in minute detail.”  
“You’re never going to be a narrator.” I turned on the other side, tired of looking at her smug expression. “I can’t remember a single time in which I felt that flustered and I doubt you saw my red ears anyway.”  
“Pft,” Hime scoffed at me, and I felt her approaching me one more time with her unbearable, gloating aura, “Like that one time we decided to kill time by telling some scary stories, and Ginko got legit scared and snuggled up to you? Or that other time when she grabbed your hands yelling _Himiko, amazing!_ after some job I don’t really remember.”  
“Then why would you remember _that_ …”  
Her Ginko impression was actually fairly accurate. I’d have laughed if she weren’t roasting me.  
“Also, right now?”  
I pulled the covers to cover me to the top of my head.  
“Stop!”  
“Which makes me wonder… do you like Ginko?”  
“She is my friend, of course I like her.”  
“I mean, like her as in – you want to kiss her.”  
“WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!”  
I wanted to scream. What was that psychological torture?!  
“I see, so that’s the sort of dream you were having.”  
“I wasn’t!” 

Let me go back to sleep. 

That was the worst conversation I ever woke up to. 

However… 

If I had to give it the benefit of the doubt, there were a few things about my “dream” that I should have discussed with Hime. Ginko told me I could trust her, and that’s how I felt, too. Hopefully that would divert our conversation topic as well. 

I finally emerged from the covers. 

“It’s true I dreamt about Ginko, but I am not sure it was just a dream. She told me she is coming back today.”  
“So she is going to save us a trip, huh.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“You really were sound asleep – earlier Toji-sama was yelling some nonsense about knowing the dragon’s location. She is planning to leave soon.”  
“And you’re saying this now?!”  
That finally gave me the rush I needed to get up.  
How did Toji locate the dragon, anyway?  
“What else did you _dream_ about?”  
“I guess Ginko mostly talked about some _deeper truth_ beyond the truth we know – and how this deeper truth doesn’t make what we know a lie either. Or whatever.”  
“You’re trying to act like you don’t care too much, but it seems to me that dream upset you.”  
“It’s just that it doesn’t feel like it was just a dream.”  
Premonition might have been the right way to call that. As I was rushing to get ready, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was about to happen – despite the fact that Ginko didn’t give me any solid proof of it. Was I just too impressionable after everything that had happened? All these talks about truths and lies was getting over my head.  
“Whatever happens, we will take care of it.”    


Hime seemed quite confident about that. 

In hindsight, we ended up taking care of it – but in all honesty I cannot say whether it was the right thing to do. Everything that lead to that moment – I cannot claim I made the best choices. 

I might have been giving too much importance to my actions, though. 

What happened might have been inevitable. 

To borrow Toji’s words – there is no such thing  as an ending that satisfies everyone.

Speaking of Toji, what Hime told me was actually true and she was truly readying  _ all of us _ to get right into the dragon’s nest. She had the audacity to call it a  _ family trip _ . She was never clear about  _ how _ she found out where the dragon and Ginko were hiding, and none of us really questioned it. 

Really, no one dared to. 

Toji was clearly on the war path, as though taking down the dragon – taking Ginko back – was the mission of our lives. She would have rather died than fail.

She would rather have us die than fail. 

I’m not musing, she really did say that. 

She gathered us all by the temple’s entrance gate. Even though the sky didn’t bode well, Toji was determined to leave that very day. She spoke frantically about the dragon’s hiding place being only a few days of walk away, how it has been hiding right under our noses, as if mocking us – her.  
“Shouldn’t someone stay here, though?” Yukiko was the only one brave enough to speak up. “Don’t you think Chi-chan should at least –”  
“Nonsense. I need all of you to come.”  
 _It’s a dragon we’re talking about after all.  
_ “Hmpf, so it is not __just a dragon.”  
Hime murmured to herself, but I could still clearly hear her. For a moment I thought Toji did as well, since she tossed a pretty nasty glare at her. However, she didn’t say anything.  
It was clear that whatever issue Toji had, it was personal.  
Shinsho had a grudge against gods, it wouldn’t be too far-fetched to imagine Toji was resentful towards dragons. Regardless of her reasons, she was dragging us right into a fight for some unknown cause of hers. The other girls also looked fairly uneasy, but none of us had power here. And if Hime was right, then all of us owed Toji. Because, of course, Toji must have known where we all came from. What everyone was running away from. 

Under the disguise of a new name, a new life, a new family there was but another cage. 

Either way, we didn’t really go anywhere. 

Before Toji could move on to explain her plan, Chisako lifted her finger to point somewhere outside the entrance gate. Her expression was between relieved and terrified, as Ginko’s figure became clearer and clearer as she approached us.  
We were all in shock.  
And even if I had been told, I was the most shocked of all.  
Toji didn’t even realise at first, but once she noticed how startled we were she finally decided to turn as well. I wish I could have seen her expression, but the only reaction we could see was a subtle shudder of her shoulders – a flinch.  
Hime tugged the hem of my sleeve.  
“Do you know what’s going on?”  
“Of course not.” 

Ginko didn’t walk past the gate.  
She didn’t even look at us –  
At me. 

She simply extended her hand towards Toji.

“Give it back.” 

Toji snorted. 

“My sweet child returns home after being kidnapped by an oddity, and that’s the first thing she says?”

It was hard to swallow that act –  
Ginko surely didn’t.  
“Give it back.  


She just repeated those words.  
And Toji burst into laughter.  
She laughed,  
and laughed,  
loudly, delightfully. 

Her laughter was the only sound filling the still air for a while. 

Michiko tried to approach her, but as soon as she did Toji turned towards us. She gently pulled Michiko closer to pat her head, while a most sinister grin curled her lips.  
“I must apologise, my children. I have failed.”  
When I looked at Ginko, she still hadn’t moved another step forwards. She was still dressed in the same clothing, she looked overall the same – but when she finally looked at me with her red gaze, I finally understood what her words meant.  
What it meant that there was no lie or deception in her human guise – just that there was something else beyond it.  
I was so engrossed in my thoughts I didn’t notice Toji came close to us until she spoke again.  
“I promise I will explain everything when it is over, okay~? But now you have to help me deal with Ginko. I really tried to make her a normal girl like you, but my efforts were for naught.”  
“What are you even talking about…”  
Hime didn’t really try to hide her disdain, but everyone else was just as speechless. Even Hyouko, who hardly ever showed her emotions was plainly dumbfounded.  
“Can’t you just give her what she wants?”  
Surprisingly enough, Chisako was the voice of reason.  
“That I absolutely cannot do.”  
“Why?”  
This time it was Yukiko who asked.  
“If I do, she is going to destroy this place.”  
“Why?” Yukiko asked, again. “What does she want?”  
“The dragon statue.” I answered before Toji could, before she could lie any more. Before she could manipulate us more. “Or should I say the dragon statue’s scales? Though I wouldn’t know how in the world that object was made.”  
“It’s just as Himiko-chan said. But it’s not as bad as she is making it sound ~ Everyone’s safety  – that’s all I care for.”  
As far as I was concerned, I thought it was far worse than she was trying to make it out to be. 

If neither of us was completely human –  
Then the only guess was that she was a dragon capable of turning into one. 

I mean, that’s not unheard of. 

And if Toji stole those scales – her scales – perhaps she had been permanently forced in that form. It was possible that also meant taking away whatever power she had, and because of that her  _ truer _ nature remained concealed. Until that moment. 

“Why did you steal the scales from her?”  
“Does it even matter?” Michiko stepped between Toji and I. “If she is an enemy, it doesn’t matter.”  
“An enemy? Wasn’t she your little sister until five minutes ago?”  
Hime’s sarcasm was ill-timed maybe, yet I appreciated it. Michiko, not as much. She was fuming, but being unable to come up with a reply she forced Yukiko to intervene.  
“You might be right, Hime-chan. Even so, if it means protecting this place – then we ought to take care of it.”  
Take care of it – that is, to get rid of her.

To exterminate her, as an oddity.

To kill her. 

“I won’t help you.”  
Yukiko glared at me, and not a trace of her usual cheerfulness could be found in her expression.  
“I knew you were only going to bring us trouble.”  
“Himiko-chan~” Toji, who had been weirdly silent finally tried to talk to me in her usual saccharine fashion, “I am sure you understand there are only two choices. You either help us, or you become our enemy.”  
“Why are you dragging them in your fight?”  
“Because this is not just my fight, dear.” 

As I said – I might have made the wrong choices.  
But turning against Ginko for someone like Toji – that couldn’t be the right choice either. 

Even if that meant destroying that place that was more than a place. That place that was our second chance.  

I was being selfish. 

Because I liked Ginko. 

Yes, in the sense that I wanted to kiss her. 

I looked at Michiko, Yukiko, Hyouko, Chisako, Hime. Being in that position – me against them – truly pained me. I thought I could still show them that Toji was merely using them. That they were but tools to her. 

As if that actually mattered. 

I can’t say I regret my choice, but –  
I do feel guilty. 

“Then I’ll be your enemy.”


	12. 012 (Toji)

A timid ray of sunshine broke through the clouds, and nothing quite as dramatic as a fight actually started. I was giving my back to Ginko, standing between her and the others: both sides were at a standstill, as Ginko didn’t take action yet. The girls were just staring at me in silence, except for Hime. She was looking at the ever-changing sky above us, twirling a strand of hair with her fingers. Even Toji, whom I expected to either brutally mock me or coldly try to get me out of the way just sighed tiredly.  
“Let’s talk.”   
That’s what Toji said – to everyone’s surprise.   
“What do you think that will –”   
I didn’t get to finish my thought because Toji interrupted me.  
“Perhaps I can’t make you change your mind. I just thought that, after everything that happened to you, you would rather be aware of the consequences of your actions ~”   
She was referring to the fact that I was to blame for Suiten’s disappearance – no, for the disappearance of an entire village. By keeping the truth to myself, I became complicit. By hiding the fact that Suiten was not a real god, I brought doom at my home’s doorstep.   


_ Was that a mistake I wanted to make again?  
_ Toji didn’t ask that question out loud, but her smirk spoke louder than words.

I realised she was trying to tug at my heartstrings – that, perhaps, she was trying to manipulate me. Nevertheless, I was quite curious of what she had to say. Besides, so long as she was busy chatting with me, I doubted anything would happen to Ginko.   
“Alright, then –”   
“Let’s go inside the temple. In the meanwhile, put up a barrier around here.” Toji was giving her orders to Michiko specifically, before glancing at the others with a playful grin. “We have no idea what might show up later, teheh.”  
A certain dread fleeted into Michiko’s eyes, but she executed what she was asked anyway. As I followed Toji, I could hear her ask the others for help. She seemed to be quarreling with Hime, but by that point I couldn’t make out what they were saying anymore.

I looked at Ginko again, who had something melancholic about her. When she noticed I was looking at her, she smiled softly and waved her hand at me. I returned the greeting with a smile, too, though I couldn’t say what the hell I was smiling for.   


I averted my gaze as I walked away.   


Toji and I entered the temple, but we didn’t close the doors behind us. 

Because of the weather that day, it was like walking inside a damp twilight – come to think of it, it was the same feeling I had when I found myself in that  _ dream _ with Ginko.   


Though it was not the time to think about that.   


Toji sat on the floor right before the disputed dragon statue, and she invited me to do the same.   


As much as I did not want to think about it, it was so difficult to do so when everything was so reminiscent of last night.  
Anyway, I sat as well.   


“Why won’t you give Ginko back what belongs to her?”   
Starting that conversation was the best course of action, or so I thought. I didn’t want Toji to get a chance at shaping this talk to her best interests.   
“Because I don’t want to, it is as simple as that.” Her answer was more straightforward than I expected. “This is the work of a lifetime, Himiko-chan. I succeeded where my own teacher failed. So, I cannot give those scales back.”   
“Your teacher –?”   
“Of course. Mind you, I am not like Shinsho. I don’t have a grudge against aaaaaall dragons ~ that’s just silly. I don’t even have a grudge against Ginko – or her kin. It was a bit different for my teacher, though.”   
Her expression didn’t betray a particular emotion, but her voice brimmed with a quiet, yet poisonous contempt. As though the very act of talking about it was disgusting her – making it impossible for her to even name this person.    
“What do you mean?”   
“Oh, I don’t want to bore you – it is not that interesting, anyway. He was just fascinated with these creatures… maddingly so. This fascination of his got him killed in the process, but I didn’t let him take me down with him.”  
She smirked, satisfied.   
“Are you implying that the dragon Hime and I encountered is the same one that killed your teacher?”   
“Yes, that’s what I am saying.”   
“So, is this some kind of revenge? Why are you going after Ginko, then?”   
Toji chuckled bitterly, rubbing her temples. It took me longer than it should have to notice, but she didn’t have her kiseru. After that realisation she suddenly looked so odd, as if she was missing a fundamental part of her person.   
“Oh, please – I was glad the bastard died, he got what he deserved ~ I told you: I succeeded where he failed. This is just proof that I far surpassed him, although I did have to pay a price.”   
Before I could ask what she meant, Toji pulled out the hairstick pinning her hair to the side of her head. Removing the hair from her face, she showed me what lay underneath – or rather, what didn’t. 

It turned out she was missing something even more fundamental than her kiseru.  
Her face was scarred and her left eye was missing.   


It was obvious that wasn’t a regular wound – it was vaguely iridescent.   


After witnessing Shinsho being maimed before my very eyes, that didn’t come as a shock to me. It was a horrific wound, for sure. One that probably pained her terribly.   


In fact –

“This is what the smoke is for, by the way. Regular medicine isn’t effective against supernatural injuries, but there was no concoction among the ones I knew that seemed to work either. That, too, was the result of my research – my efforts.”   
Toji combed her hair again, a smile curling her lips.   
“Why did you show me that?”   
“Because you are a fairly distrustful child. I doubt you’d believe me if I said I didn’t plan to go after Ginko.”   
“Even after seeing your injury, this is still quite hard to swallow. From what you said, you had plenty of reasons to pursue her – and the dragon.”    
“She wasn’t the one who inflicted this on me.” Toji tapped her left cheek as she spoke. “Ginko and the dragon are related, but I didn’t know at the time. So, when I went to settle my score with the blue dragon, I found two of them instead. The blue dragon left, and I dealt with Ginko.”   


So that was just – a coincidence?    


Toji really went after the blue dragon, but she had to deal with Ginko in the end?   


“I was greedy, though ~” Toji continued, wistfully. “Instead of killing her, I decided to keep her for a side project of mine. As you are aware, there is something I would like to witness with my own eyes – actually, my own eye.”   
“You mean the same phenomenon that spirited Suiten-sama away?”   
“Exactly ~ If my assumption was correct, then I expected this _entity_ to come gobble Ginko-chan up for pretending to be a human, but that didn’t happen. Speaking of which, why do you think I was wrong?”   
“Uh?”  
I didn’t expect to get such a question. It wasn’t something I could answer on the spot, but Toji didn’t seem to mind if I took some time to think about it.

Indeed, until now we all believed Ginko to be human,  _ Ginko included _ . If Toji was to be believed, and a law existed in the supernatural world that eradicates oddities posing as something that they are not, then it would follow that Ginko should have been punished as well. However, there was an essential difference between Ginko and Suiten.   


“I think it’s because Ginko herself wasn’t aware of it. I don’t know what you did to her, but it seems that taking her dragon scales caused her to lose her memory, too. As such, she wasn’t really lying or posing as a human. And now that it seems she remembered, she isn’t trying to act as something she is not either.”   
Toji nodded, seemingly pleased.   
“You’re quite the smart girl yourself, Himiko-chan. I am not too displeased about being wrong, though ~ I just regret that my greed lead us to this moment.”   
“I don’t understand. If you give those scales back, then this will be over.”   
I was growing frustrated.   
“I told you, I can’t do it. No, _I will not do it_. Besides, that dragon doesn’t have a good temper – if we don’t take a stand, then the girls will be in danger.”   
“If you resist, you will make this situation even worse – for yourself, and above all for the girls. If you give the scales back, they will probably leave –”  
“I WILL NOT DO IT.”   
Toji slammed her fists on the floor. Her whole body was shaking with rage, her right eye gleaming with madness. It became clear that negotiating was not an option – that there was nothing to discuss in order to prevent that situation from escalating.   
“Then why did you ask me to talk?”   
“To make you understand. You think you can reason with oddities, but you can’t. The blue dragon is going to crush this place whether I return the scales or not. If we take care of Ginko now we may gain the upper hand, together. So, let us talk about consequences.”

However, Toji fell silent. The subtle creaking of wood was everything I could hear for a while. No noise reached us from the outside either, which made me feel like I was somewhere detached from both space and time.   
That allowed me to put some order among my thoughts at the very least.   
I understood that Toji had some history with those two dragon oddities in particular, however her decision to _ take a stand _ didn’t seem to be based on this history at all. If she wanted to protect Nure temple, then she should have just surrendered – which was something she wouldn’t do.    


Because what was sitting on the altar right behind her was proof she overcame her master.   


Toji wasn’t willing to give neither of those things up – neither the temple nor the scales.   


Once again, we were at a standstill.   


Then, Toji spoke suddenly. 

“I am going to _partially_ break the rules of our house, since you leave me no choice. I am surprised I have to spell these things out for you, though – perhaps you’re not that smart after all ~”   
I could barely bring myself to feel hurt by that statement. Toji’s opinions seemed to be so deeply rooted in her fickle mood swings that there was no point in taking offence at that.  
“I am not completely oblivious to the nature of this place, if it is what you’re implying.”   
“Please elaborate ~”   
“I know what brought Hime here – and even though I don’t consider it the main reason in my case, something similar brought me to Nure Temple. Hime implied that the other girls are no different, although she had no proof of it.”   
Toji nodded.   
“Well, that is not entirely wrong. This place is a shelter.”   


That is, a shelter for girls.   


For the girls who have been hurt, abused, forgotten.   
By society, their families, other men, even other women.   


Toji lifted her gaze to briefly glance at the dragon statue, its edges concealed in the darkness.  
“I was an orphan, that’s how I found myself living with my teacher. I ended up loving the job – but life could be quite miserable. Growing up you realise your misery is not only your own, that it is, in fact, the normal state of the world we live in.”  
Her tone was strangely – flat. Toji always had a quite lively way of speaking, and it was the first time I saw her so somber. I didn’t think it was only because of that conversation topic which was, in itself, a heavy subject to discuss.   
Those memories she was recollecting must have weighed on her the most.  
As they always do.   
Then, she continued.   
“When I was around your age, a place like this was all I dreamt of – so I built it.”   


_ A place to heal from the misery. _

Or, at the very least – to run away from it.  


	13. 013 (Michiko and Chisako)

“Michiko was the first one I invited to come here.”   
Michiko, eighteen years old. Our _big sister_. Or at least, that’s how she wanted us to think of her. Indeed, she always acted as one: in Toji’s absence she was the one in charge; she looked after us, she took care of us. Beyond her caring attitude, though, there was someone I always found quite cold. As though there was no substance to her act, as though there was but bitterness beyond her words and gestures coated with sweetness.   
I didn’t think that was an act at which she was particularly good.   
She was susceptible to swift mood changes – not like Toji who was prone to bursts of rage. On the contrary, Michiko was quick to become distant.   
“This happened – five years ago, roughly. There are details even I am not aware of, but by that time she had already lost her parents, so it was just Michiko and her two little sisters. They fended for themselves just fine, until the village she was living in got entangled in a feud between two lords.”  
Toji made a short pause in which she inhaled sharply. She seemed to be in pain, but she was fighting to not let it show on her face.   
“Eventually, it came down to fighting. Her sisters lost their lives when this happened – I am not certain how Michiko got out of that alive, since she never wanted to speak about it. I decided to respect that – it was not something I needed to know.”   
_And I would rather not imagine that either_ , she said.   
“And how did you meet her, exactly?”   
“Finding Michiko was a coincidence. We simply crossed paths, and when that happened I offered her a chance to start over. She had never dealt with the supernatural before, but she looked quite unfazed by it. From her point of view humans are way scarier than monsters.”   


__This is not about monsters. This is about people.  
That’s what Hime said the night I stopped her from killing that man.  
In the end, it is always about people. Oddities spawn from the tales we weave, from the darkness welling up our own hearts. One could even say that there is no such thing as the supernatural, that only humans exist.   
I’d say Hime had a similar line of thought.   
No, perhaps that’s too mild – she would say that humans and monsters are one and the same.   
That wasn’t an idea I could wholly embrace, however that’s what these stories were about.   
Michiko’s story. Yukiko’s story. Hyouko’s story. Chisako’s story. Hime’s story.   
Toji’s story.  
They were about surviving something more monstrous than monsters.  

“Michiko helped me lay the foundations of Nure Temple, and luckily she was quick at learning.” Toji stopped to stare at me, tilting her head to the side. “What do you want to ask? I can tell something is on your mind.”  
“I was just wondering how she dealt with oddities.”   
“You mean, you’re wondering how she dealt with them when she couldn’t see them?”   
I nodded.  
“You don’t need to see them to deal with them most of the time. Besides, a majority of the people who seek our help only want our advice – someone to talk to.” Toji stood up, and she came to sit next to me. “I cannot see every oddity afflicting someone either. You can because your condition is special, Himiko-chan~”   
I was feeling uneasy now that she was right next to me.  
“What do you mean? Before the incident I couldn’t see oddities.”   
“I understand, but then you got involved with a god, right? And not just any god – Anyway this is something for you to figure out. Who you want to be – no, _what_ you want to be.”   
I didn’t understand what Toji meant, but that didn’t seem important in that moment.   
“Either way,” probably agreeing that was not the point of our conversation, Toji moved on, “Michiko is a great listener, which makes her quite good at her job. I am really proud of her.”   


That seemed truly genuine.   
Even I struggled to be suspicious of that.   


“Even if it was just the two us, we had enough of a reputation that Chi-chan was sent here. She was an orphan, too, and she was only nine years old at the time. Of course I couldn’t send away someone whose struggles I related to.”   
Where Chisako came from was unclear, but she once implied that her family used to travel for work, so much so that she had no idea where her birthplace actually was. For most of her life her father comprised her entire family, and apparently he eventually died of natural causes. So Chisako survived by her own means until someone sent her to the temple.   
“It takes a lot of stubborness to survive like that – her rough behaviour and foul mouth might be a consequence of the things she lived through, or maybe not. I thought we could smooth her edges, but…”   
Toji stopped talking, perhaps wondering if it was alright to say any more about that. As she said, she was breaking the rules after all – everyone’s past was never brought up. After they arrived there, there was no reason for those girls to keep suffering. And yet, I was under the impression that they could never really move on either.  
“I thought Chi-chan would make Michiko happy. I don’t think she did.”  
That’s all Toji decided to say.   
After losing her siblings, Michiko’s eagerness to act like our big sister made sense, but – her impossibility to really be one made even more sense to me.   
Toji must have thought that Chisako could fill Michiko’s void.   
But she could not replace the sisters she lost.   
There was no emptiness to fill. No broken heart to make whole again.

Michiko’s soul was just barren.   


I couldn’t help but wonder if Chisako was aware of these expectations.   
And I couldn’t help but feel it was cruel to have such expectations in the first place.    


Conversely, Chisako might have sought a motherly figure of sorts in Michiko, too.   


Yet, neither of them could ever become what the other yearned.   


“After a while the whole ordeal with the dragons happened. Obviously I was doing research back then as I am doing now, but Michiko and Chi-chan were not aware of the details. It looked like I returned with another girl to them.”  
As you can imagine, Ginko was not her real name – it was just something Toji came up with on the spot. A quite lazy choice, too. She couldn’t be more literal than that.   
“What’s her true name, by the way?”   
“I’m not telling you ~”   
Why did I even bother to ask?   
I figured the _blue dragon_ had a name too, but Toji was extremely cautious when it came to naming anyone – or anything – involved in her story.   
“Forcing Ginko in her human form had a series of consequences, but they were all quite convenient for me. It was easy to manipulate Ginko into believing some half-baked story about her past, and she never seemed preoccupied with her missing memories.”   
I thought Toji was wrong about that, or maybe I was the one reading too much into past situations. It was difficult to not see intention behind some of Ginko’s actions, such as her taking care of the dragon statue. Maybe she did it subconsciously. Or maybe there was no deep reason behind it.   
Hopefully I could ask her at a later time.   


“So – Who arrived afterwards?”   
I prodded Toji to continue.   
“Yukiko and Hyouko arrived next – or more accurately, we went to them.”


	14. 014 (Yukiko and Hyouko)

“You mean you met them as your clients?”   
As I asked this, Toji was standing again. She stood between me and the entrance, showing me her back. She seemed to be observing what was going on outside, until she sat next to me again.  
“ _Sort of._ Yukiko-chan and Hyouko-chan were friends before coming here. Their situation was – complex. And the plan they devised to save themselves didn’t work out as they expected.”

Yukiko and Hyouko were like the sun and the moon. Although their personalities were extremely different, the two of them were an inseparable pair – you may even say a couple. I was uncertain about the exact depth of their feelings, or the exact nature of their relationship. Either way, Yukiko made it clear how important Nure Temple was to her – because that was a place where she, but especially Hyouko could be safe. Perhaps she was the one who resented me the most in that moment. Indeed, it was Yukiko who asked me to stop prying any further – who told me to just mind my own business.   
She wasn’t going to forgive me easily.

“It looked like a sketchy job from the start, so I went alone with Michiko. Yukiko’s aunt disappeared in suspicious circumstances. That is, she disappeared during ōmagatoki*. Can you believe people blamed that, when the woman was notoriously in financial trouble –?”   
Well, that could sound silly, but it wasn’t difficult to understand. Sometimes it is easier to believe in the inexplicable rather than a more logical explanation.  
“Yukiko-chan herself contacted us. She was extremely helpful – too helpful. Truth be told, neither Michiko nor I quite cared about what she was hiding.”  
Apparently Toji and Michiko couldn’t find any evidence that the woman fell victim of any wandering evil spirit. There was no reason to believe she was devoured by some shadow. However, Yukiko also seemed persuaded that that must have been what happened, since it wasn’t the first time such an odd incident occurred. According to her, at least.

However, no matter how much they dug – Toji and Michiko couldn’t find any other similar incidents that happened in that area.  
  
Something else was dug up instead.  
  
The woman’s body was found, and it became clear that no supernatural creature was involved. Someone had murdered her.

“Which is what I expected, really,” Toji said, “so Michiko and I decided it was time to take our leave. That was not a matter for us to deal with. But that’s when we ran into Yukiko-chan again – and Hyouko-chan.”  
Their hometown was close to the seaside. On a cloudless, windy day, as Toji and Michiko started to head back home, they saw the two girls hand in hand standing by the edge of a cliff.  
“It wasn’t the kind of jump you’d survive from. Even if Yukiko-chan was involved in her aunt’s death, why was she dragging that girl along with her?”  
I was wrong about that, though.  
Toji said that with a light chuckle.   
Indeed, Yukiko-chan didn’t kill her aunt.  
Apparently, her aunt decided to sell her off in order to pay part of her debt. To her, Yukiko was someone she had been burdened with, anyway. Even so, despite being hurt and used it would seem Yukiko was willing to go along with her aunt’s wishes.  
“The one who landed the fatal blow was Hyouko-chan.”  
Hyouko and Yukiko were always together as they were now at Nure temple. For that reason it wasn’t all that rare for Hyouko to get caught up in Yukiko’s family troubles.  
“She smashed that woman’s skull like a pomegranate. Hyouko-chan’s bursts of rage can be quite scary ~”  
Toji tried to sound light-hearted, but she realised her attempt at humour was inappropriate.  
She cleared her throat.  
“Yukiko-chan felt responsible for what happened. She knew that if the body was found, then either one of them – if not both – would be punished for the crime. For this reason they tried to deceive everyone with the ōmagatoki story. Faced with their failure, they must have thought they would have rather died together than face a miserable fate.”  
“So you invited them to come with you?”  
“That I did.” Toji smiled, as if she was retelling some fond memories. “Well, it wasn’t particularly easy to convince them, but eventually I did.”  
“And then Hime came along  –”

Her story –  
We know that already. 

“If you’re wondering, I am aware of her methods – but I am not the kind of mother who gets in the way of her children’s growth.”   
At least push it in a more appropriate direction. Isn’t that what a parent is supposed to do?  
Then Toji continued before I could reply.   
“I hope you understand now what it means for these girls – for us – to lose this place. And I hope you understand why we cannot allow anyone to threaten its existence.”   
“I am not the one threatening Nure Temple. You are.”  
I understood what this place meant for everyone. I knew what this place meant for me, too, and I didn’t want to see it gone. To destroy Nure Temple meant to destroy the present me, the other girls, and Toji had struggled to grasp. It meant crushing the future we could hope to have. I didn’t need to hear those stories to understand all of this –

It wasn’t _me_ who needed to understand.

Toji didn’t answer.

So I insisted.

“If you love your children, then you’ll do anything to protect them. Give Ginko back her scales and let her go.”   
“I can’t do that.”

I thought what was making my blood boil was anger.   
But it wasn’t quite that.  
It was too quiet for it to be rage, but too burning for it to be plain sadness.

What was I expecting, exactly?

That she would do a grand gesture like Shirayamatsumi did?

That she would _show_ me she really loved those girls the way she claimed to?

Until that moment, I had hoped this conversation would bring me to the realisation that I was wrong, that Toji wasn’t using the girls for her own gain, that there was a reason for her actions. However, it did just the opposite. The more she talked about it, the less I understood her. The more she appeared empathetic with the girls’ sorrows, the less I could come to terms with her stubbornness.

Were the scales – the _proof_ she overcame her teacher so important that she found it impossible to part with them?

I didn’t get to ask that, because finally a ruckus coming from outside found its way inside the quiet walls of the temple. Both Toji and I rushed to the entrance, where we found the others had also gathered, too.

Ginko was standing in the very same place, but behind her a glowing presence emerged from a curtain of mist and smoke. Then I saw those familiar wide, red eyes that stared at us expressionless. 

Just like Ginko, the dragon didn’t move.

Still – like a statue.    
“Give up the scales.”  
I said those words to Toji without averting my eyes from Ginko and the dragon.  
“No,” Toji answered, stepping forward, “we fight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *“During ōmagatoki, the evil spirits, the chimimōryō, wake up and move about freely. This is the hour when yōkai, yūrei, and other dark things cross over into our world.” (http://yokai.com/oumagatoki/)


	15. 015

Ginko and the dragon slowly faded behind an unnaturally thick mist, but that didn’t deter Toji from marching forward. The mist swallowed her to the ankles, and soon enough Toji was like a feeble shadow cast on a white paper screen. I decided to move before I could lose sight of her – and perhaps sharing the same thought, I noticed Michiko finally woke from her stupor, too. However, neither of us went anywhere: Hime firmly grabbed both of us, holding our wrists in an iron grip.   
“What are you doing?”  
Michiko’s voice was cold and yet brimming with confusion and anger.  
“That’s my question.” Hime didn’t back down. If anything, she tightened her hold. “You have survived until now – will you take on a suicide mission for that woman?”  
“Won’t you?” Disdain flared up Michiko’s eyes. “Is this the extent of your gratitude?”  
“I am grateful,” Hime smiled, defiantly, “but I am not stupid.”  
Confronted with that insult, Michiko seemed on the verge of reacting physically – but she didn’t. She struggled to find a reply for a while, gritting her teeth in frustration. As devoted to Toji as she was – even then, she couldn’t not see the folly of facing an avoidable danger.  
Then, Hime looked at me.   
Both amused and scornful.  
“Standing against Toji will yield the same result as standing on her side – actually, that’s even dumber. This isn’t some fairy tale bullshit, you are not a prince and Ginko is no damsel in distress.” I thought she was finally done with her rant, but her sneer told me otherwise. “Even if that were the case, I’d feel sorry for Ginko.”  
I scoffed at her diss, and Hime let go of both of us.  
“Then what do you plan to do?” Hyouko finally spoke, and even though her tone was flat her eyes betrayed a certain urgency. “If helping Toji-sama is suicidal and standing against her is a mistake, do you suggest we just run away?”  
Hime shrugged her shoulders.  
“I guess? That’s always an option – I don’t mind dabbling in betrayal.”  
“Would you really do that?”

Pressed by Hyouko’s question – Hime glanced at me.  
For a moment so brief I couldn’t fathom what she might have wanted from me.

“I could, but I won’t. I don’t think this is about exterminating the dragon or helping Ginko –”  
“This is about saving Toji.”  
I finished Hime’s sentence before she got the chance, however she didn’t seem particularly displeased that I stepped in. I would have expected her to retort with yet another jibe, but she simply nodded.  
“Exactly.”  
“Ah?” Yukiko, who had been silent until that very moment, aggressively approached me. “What’s with the change of heart, _again_? What did you and Toji-sama even talk about earlier?”   
Among us, Yukiko was the one suffering the most from that state of uncertainty – that is, the possibility there may no longer be a safe place for her and Hyouko the following day. Her usual cheerfulness and optimism were wavering, as the ground seemed to crumble beneath her feet piece by piece. And as someone who readied herself to jump into nothingness once, it must have felt like glancing over the brink again, holding her breath and swallowing her heartbeat.  
It must have felt terrifying.  
“She tried to convince me she was in the right – and I tried to convince her that I was in the right, too.” I didn’t tell them that Toji shared with me their stories, there was no need for them to know. However, there was also no need to lie about the rest. “But I feel there was something I failed to see.”  
Even though what I had been told wasn’t the entire truth, it didn’t follow that it had to be false either. I was fairly certain that Toji didn’t lie about her story; however, she probably didn’t tell the whole truth either.  
“And you want to try to convince her again?” Hyouko got between Yukiko and I, pushing us apart. “What makes you think you will succeed this time?”  
“I have no reason to believe we will succeed – but can we afford to wait any longer?”  
Upon hearing my words, Michiko, Yukiko and Hyouko looked at each other, perhaps realising how odd that grave, heavy silence was. Toji left with the intent to fight, but there was no sound to suggest that a battle had started.

“I will help, of course –” Hime put her arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to her. “As back-up.”   
I tried to release myself, but her hold was a lot stronger than I imagined.  
“And what are we supposed to do in the meanwhile? Sit back and watch?”  
Michiko appeared suspicious when she said that – not of the plan, more likely of Hime and I.  
“Yes. If we fail, you’ll need to take care of this mess after all.”  
Hime had taken the lead and it didn’t seem like she was going to step down any time soon. That must have irritated Michiko who, as our elder, should have been in charge at a time like this. Indeed, she was about to reply – more likely, to refuse – when Chisako tugged the hem of her sleeve. She still hadn’t said a word. Her eyes were filled with big tears that finally streamed down her reddened cheeks, almost short of breath for holding back her crying for so long. She sobbed quietly, hiding her face with her free hand as if she was embarrassed, when she finally found the strength to speak up.

“I’m scared.”

Her voice was so small, a mere soft whimper. But as soon as she caught her breath, Chisako wept those words loudly.

_I’m scared_. 

Those were the only words she managed to say, again and again.   
Seeing her in such a state was heartbreaking, and perhaps guilt assailed us all at the same time for forgetting that she was just a child.   
Michiko silently patted her head before turning to Hime and I.   
“Fine.”   
Yukiko seemed startled that Michiko agreed, but she didn’t dare to protest – hard to say if she finally gave up, or if Hyouko’s piercing glare shut her up. Either way, she had no choice but to follow Hime’s plan – that is, to take shelter and wait.

Hime who, by the way, still didn’t let go of me even as the others headed back to the house. She finally spoke to me only once their backs started to blend in the mist, until they disappeared.  
“If you fail to convince her again,” Hime whispered in my ear, even though there was no one who could hear us, “I’m going to kill Toji.”  
Her words didn’t bewilder me.  
What did surprise me was the object she slipped off her sleeve, forcing it into my hand.  
“I don’t like you touching my stuff.”  
I took my dagger, which Hime brought without my consent – of course.  
“I was just thinking ahead of you. You don’t need to use it, it is a mere precaution.”  
_If it comes down to it, I will not fail._  
Hime uttered those words with overwhelming confidence.  
“Are you fine with it?”  
I stared at the blade, safely sheathed with the grief it caused and the blood it shed. What Hime was asking me to agree to was morally abominable, but still so cynically reasonable. If we failed to save Toji – then at least we should save everyone else. And the only way to ensure that was to remove Toji from the picture. Hime couldn’t know what Toji and I discussed in the temple, but she could reach such a simple conclusion.  
Such a deed couldn’t possibly be tantamount to betrayal, to her.  
Hime didn’t need to say it out loud – I realised that, to her, Toji was the first traitor.  
Everything Toji did for her, for us – none of it mattered if she was willing to destroy it with her own hands. That was an evil Hime couldn’t forgive.    
“Is it okay?”   
As she asked me again, she grabbed my chin to force me to look at her. I expected to face a pair of cold eyes, like I did that night – oddly enough, her expression was nothing but. It was fierce, unyielding. The expression of someone willing to make a sacrifice she would have liked to avoid.  
That decision weighed on her as it did on me.   
“We will bear the burden together.”  
When I spoke those words, the same she told me on the night I found out the truth about her, Hime finally let go of me. I could have sworn I saw her blush for a moment, but she was so quick to give me her back I could never make sure of that.  
“Fine. I shall wait until the  very end – only if we have no other choice.”  
She still didn’t look at me when she answered.  
“Don’t worry, I shall not fail either.”  
I tried to comfort her, but unsurprisingly Hime didn’t take it well.  
“Stop trying to act cool. You’re not.”  
She replied with an annoyed frown. That wasn’t what I was trying to do, but I didn’t even bother to reply.

Honestly, I just wanted to spare Hime from making this choice – one I wish I could spare her from making ever again.

I couldn’t say that out loud without incurring her wrath, thus I stayed silent.

She did, too.

We parted ways with a mere last glance between us.

I walked in the same direction Toji did, hoping she was still at the temple’s entrance gate. It was then that it dawned on me that I had no idea how Hime intended to carry out her plan in that fog.

It was too late for second thoughts, anyway.

Toji was already there, a presence of smoke in the mist. As I approached her, her silhouette acquired a more defined shape – that of a woman clutching her face and bleeding. Bright red blood was seeping through her fingers, slowly, slowly dripping down her forearm. Toji didn’t seem to notice I was there, even when I was standing right next to her.   
Ginko did notice, though.  
She and the dragon were still in the same place – it wouldn’t appear they were the ones who hurt Toji. As if noticing my struggle to comprehend the dynamic of that situation, Ginko finally spoke.  
“She overexerted herself,” she said with a tone that seemed to beg my understanding that it wasn’t her who did it, “I don’t think she can come to terms with the fact that the same trick won’t work again.”  
“What do you mean?”  
Toji reacted to my voice with a shudder, but she neither looked at me nor talked to me.  
“Himiko – we’re going to break through this barrier now. I have waited long enough.”  
Ginko ignored my question, urged by putting an end to that charade in order to retrieve what belonged to her.  
“And you’re willing to do whatever it takes to get those scales back?”  
I walked past Toji, getting closer to Ginko.  
“I do.”  
At that point there was nothing but a thin, invisible wall between us.  
“Yet you have been waiting all this time – if you wanted to, you could have broken through the barrier as soon as you arrived.”  
Realising I saw through her, Ginko averted her eyes in a flutter.  
If she did do that, though, she may have had to do something she didn’t want to do.  Having to destroy that place alongside Toji, risking everyone’s lives in the process – that was what Ginko feared would make me hate her. That much was obvious by then. But as much as Ginko could be determined, as hellbent as she was on retrieving the scales… I didn’t think she would be capable of that.  
Ginko wasn’t like Hime and I.  
Being afraid of the fact I might hate her was a pointless fear – it was far more likely she would be the one to hate me in the end. 

So, I turned towards Toji.

Toji who, finally, lifted her gaze to look at me.  
To glare at me.

“So, I’ve been thinking about what you told me.”   
I wouldn’t back down from Toji’s disapproving look. Although the word disapproving doesn’t even begin to describe it.   
“I realised I overlooked something quite important – something you will find disappointing, as a teacher.”  
Toji didn’t answer. She stopped pressing the wound, her blood-coated arm falling to her side.  
“You said it yourself, didn’t you? Dragons are but oddities, too. Yet I failed to ask the most trivial question – who is afflicted by this dragon oddity?”  
“And you believe that’s me?”  
She finally deigned to answer me, a half-pained, half-amused smirk curling her lips.  
“Who else could it be?”

Her shoulders shook subtly, her hand covering half of her face again.   
It was a soft giggle at first, which quickly transformed in a thunderous laugh.  
Toji laughed and laughed with gusto. Unaware of her aching wound, oblivious to the blood dripping in her mouth. 

“Perhaps you’re right ~” Toji was still catching her breath when she answered. She ran her fingers through her hair, trying to brush it so that it would no longer cover her face. “Even so, I am not afflicted in the way you are imagining – or for the reasons you’re trying to conjure in your little head.”  
She sighed as she looked at me almost nostalgically, her head canted to the side. I couldn’t fathom what prompted that change in her expression, but I didn’t have to wait much longer for an explanation.  
“You of all people might understand it. You remind me a bit of my younger self, after all.”  
“The future looks grim for me, then.”  
Toji chuckled, utterly unfazed by my sarcasm.  
And only then I realised she didn’t mean I reminded her of herself in terms of looks or personality. I only had a hunch, of course – that what she saw in me so reminiscent of the past was not something about who I was, but rather something about what I did.  
What she said afterwards simply served to confirm my suspicions.  
“Can you finally see it now? After all –,” the hilarity in her voice was replaced by mockery, as her nostalgic smile transformed in a taunting sneer, “wouldn’t you say some dragons are like gods?”

That line meant nothing without context, and even if I couldn’t be certain there was just one hypothesis to be made.

If what she said earlier really meant that she once did what I did –   
If some dragons can be considered gods –  
That is, beings sought to fulfil a wish, a request, a plea for help –

Did Toji seek the blue dragon in the first place?   
Was she personally involved in her teacher’s death?

But if she was –  
“Then was your story earlier a lie?”  
“Of course not. I was just ashamed of admitting it out loud ~”  
That response and her feigned sheepishness threw me off.  
“Didn’t you say your mentor got what he deserved?”  
“Oh, he did. That’s not what I meant at all – what I was ashamed of admitting is that I was too much of a coward back then to do what had to be done with my own hands.”  
_That’s something you can understand, isn’t it?_   
The way she spoke those words – sometimes it haunts me to this day. How she looked in my eyes, stretching her arm as if to offer me her hand, and how sweetly she smiled as if to comfort me, as if to say that feeling was not only my own –  
Perhaps acting motherly in her mind –  
It left a deeper impression on me than I wish it did.  
“You also lacked the strength and the courage to free yourself. You just waited and prayed that someone – something – would liberate you in your own stead. And waiting did pay off, didn’t it? Yet I am sure… as much as you might hate yourself for what you did, your weakness must be the true object of your scorn, the festering truth of your regret. Neither of us could put our oppressors in the grave, and to rely on a supernatural gimmick is just shameful.”   

_That’s not what I think._

_That’s not how I feel._

I wanted to say those words out loud, but nothing came out my mouth. Those thoughts quietly settled on the back of my mind, unspoken.

Of course – I despised my weakness.

Of course – I regretted what happened.

But Toji was wrong.

Had I the chance to fix it, had I the chance to take matters in my own hands, the strength to do so – I’d have sought another way.

What she thought didn’t matter, though.

It was time to end this.

Time to finally conclude this story, and the regrets that came with it.

And Toji seemed of the same mind.

Her gaze wandered beyond my back for a brief moment, as she seemed struck by a sudden realisation. I was a bit puzzled, and I wondered if she may have figured out Hime was hiding somewhere, too.   
But that wasn’t the case at all.  
“Cat finally got your tongue? Not like your answer matters, really ~”  
That fox-like expression – what the hell was she up to?  
Her wound had stopped bleeding, but her flesh was still exposed and crimson red. That must have hurt more than usual, stinging more than it ever did. And yet it didn’t seem to affect her at all. Now that her mind was set on a plan, there was no place in it for pain.  
I readied myself – barely on time.  
Although I couldn’t possibly have been prepared for everything that came afterwards.

When Toji approached me, an arrow flew by hissing _way too close_ to my ear, getting stuck in the ground right in front of Toji.   
I had no idea where Hime was, but that looked like a warning that she was stepping within her range of action.  
Toji couldn’t care less.  
She walked past the arrow, closing the distance between us.  
Hime shot, again.  
This time, the arrow dug inside her thigh, but Toji didn’t so much wince.  
She snapped its tail and she continued walking – feral, unstoppable.

The look she had chilled me to the bone. I wasn’t scared of her, no – I was scared of the fact I couldn’t guess what plans she was conjuring behind that blazing eye of hers. At the very least, Shinsho’s motives and actions were simple. He was driven by an obsession he would fulfil through straightforward means. Toji, on the other hand – as much as I knew her motive, as much as I understood what she wanted… I couldn’t guess what she would do next at all.

I reached for my dagger, when I noticed another arrow swishing past me –   
Only to fail to meet its target.  
No, that’s not correct.  
It did not _find_ its target. 

All it took was a moment of bewilderment, the instant in which I realised Toji was no longer in front of me, as if she dissolved in the mist.   
As though she melted into smoke herself.  
All it took was one second to find myself at an incredible disadvantage.

When I tried to turn to look behind me, Toji grabbed me by the arm, forcefully twisting it to make me drop the dagger and steal it from me, using the momentum to lock me in a chokehold.   
“Don’t give me that look, you couldn’t have known, my child.”  
Realising she left her back potentially exposed to Hime Toji turned, making us face the entrance once again. Then, with the safe side of the knife she forced me to look in front of me.  
To look at Ginko.  
Her fists clenched.  
Her eyes wide open.  
“That is, that we have been playing in my very element ☆”


	16. 016

I didn’t understand what Toji meant, and that didn’t seem like an appropriate time to ask.   


I wasn’t fearing for my life – I knew Toji would have been more than capable of hurting me or worse, but that wasn’t her plan. I wasn’t even a target. I was a mere means to an end.   
__I actually didn’t realise it until now.  
That’s what she whispered in my ear, with a tone that made it all too easy to picture the grin on her face in that very moment.   
What she realised was a underhanded, yet quick way to force Ginko – and thus, all of us – to make a mistake. A way to play with her feelings, to make her vulnerable.   


And Ginko didn’t make us wait for her answer.   


Everything happened so quickly, I only caught a glance of the fear and the wrath that gleamed red and brilliant in her eyes.   


A gaze that demands blood.   


When Ginko and the dragon broke through the barrier they lifted a screen of warm air and smoke that wreathed us. Toji seemed absolutely unfazed, but as I gained one more disadvantage I started to grow restless. In that mess I could no longer count on Hime’s support, and I had already been disarmed.   


I tried to release myself, but even that proved to be a useless effort – Toji pushed me away just an instant before the dragon whipped its tail against her, evading it while simultaneously getting rid of me. Then, to add insult to injury she dropped my dagger, and using her foot she pushed it in my direction making it slide on the ground, as though to say I served my purpose.   
Being underestimated like that – that got to me.   
I didn’t even get to say what I wanted to tell Toji yet.   


My own underhanded, yet quick way to defeat Toji.   
Or to save her.   


I sprinted towards her, but the dragon got between us again.   


An explosion of wood followed shortly after. I couldn’t see it perhaps, but I heard it loud and clear –the dragon gutted the temple just as easily as it tore down that house on our first encounter, showering us with its debris. To make matters even more complicated, the dragon’s every movement caused the air to heavily lash out against me, making my footing fairly unstable. The poor visibility, the sudden raise in temperature… there wasn’t a single aspect of that situation that worked to my advantage.   
Even so I had to try. I had to proceed regardless.   
But the moment I did, my hand was grabbed.   
When I turned I saw Ginko, who didn’t look like the way she did moments prior at all. Her cheeks were all red and she had watery eyes.   
“Are you… ok…”   
She mumbled those words holding back the tears. She was holding my hand so tightly, I feared her nails would dig in my skin. Her own hands were slightly trembling – there must have been a lot of feelings she was fighting with, feelings she was trying not to unleash.   
“I’m fine.” I forced myself to smile to comfort her, but she still didn’t let go. “I’m sorry I couldn’t solve this situation before it came down to this.”   
“It’s not your fault.”   
Her grip finally softened, until her fingertips were barely brushing against mine. She was avoiding to look at me, her eyes focused on our hands.   
So – I interlocked our fingers. Even though doing that made me feel like I was burning from the inside.   
“I know you’re worried, but we can still win this.”   


A happy ending for everyone –   
I didn’t believe it to be impossible.   


Perhaps foolishly, perhaps childishly –   
That’s the only thing I would aim for.   


Over.  
And over.    


I was determined to do at least that much when Toji’s figure manifested itself. 

I pulled Ginko towards me, letting her go as to stand between her and Toji. I couldn’t say it with utmost certainty, but it didn’t seem like she had a single scratch on her. Or at least, not any fresh one.   
“Don’t get in my way.”   
She hissed those words at me trying to sneak past me, a wall of warm air swishing a hairbreadths by our heads. I assumed the dragon changed the direction of its attack on a last second, perhaps warned by Ginko.   
They could communicate telepathically, right?   
As I tried to slow Toji down, I wondered if I could talk to Ginko the way she did with me, or if at least I could establish that sort of connection now that it had been done once.  
In any case Toji made it almost impossible to focus. I don’t know what techniques she was using, what tricks she had up her sleeve, but she was like an illusion in the mist. However, as ephemeral as she could be she was inevitably predictable.   
I had sheathed the dagger by my side, not intending to injure her more than we already did. Soon enough even she had to concede that she either had to change her pattern, or confront me – and Toji being Toji, she chose the latter.   


The last time she tried to deceive me I attempted to hit the leg wounded by the arrow shot. Toji’s tolerance to regular pain appeared formidable, but even she had to be tired. Exhausted by the running and the fighting. And the exhaustion and the pain did make her wince at the very least, causing her to deflect momentarily before finding a stable footing on her better leg. Balanced once again, she launched herself at me.   
I didn’t try to evade her.  
I didn’t try to avoid whatever was about to come.   
I wanted her to be as close as possible.   
But once she grabbed me by the collar, she did nothing.   
“What? Were you thinking I would really beat you up? I’m not a brute ~”   
I was mildly surprised. It must have shown on my face, because a content smile curled her lips. My hand instinctively reached for the dagger again, waiting for Toji to make a move.   
And then, she said.   
“You didn’t let me do it when you arrived at the temple back then. Like I stripped Ginko of her scales – I should have deprived you of your godhood.”   
__The likes of you –  
You are all a threat.   
The way she was holding me, she almost had me on my tiptoes.   
“What the hell do you mean?”   
“Shall we find it out together ~?”   


I didn’t understand it, and I had no intention of finding out what she meant. It was just a hunch, but that didn’t seem like something I wanted to experience. If she did something like _depriving me of my godhood,_ whatever that meant – for Ginko, losing her scales meant losing her memories and sense of self.   
The mere thought of that was enough to terrify me.   
That was more of a threat than being beaten to an inch of my life.   
That was something – I couldn’t allow her to do.   


Once she tried to reach for me, I grabbed my dagger.   
It wasn’t easy to move confidently in that position, but be it fear, be it a stroke of luck – I managed to cut her left hand superficially, which gave me enough leeway to release myself. That tiny opening was all that Toji conceded, because she was already after me. I backed down, unsteadily walking backwards while evading her.   
While waiting for a chance. 

When she finally caught me again, pulling me in her direction –   
I aimed for her left hand, and hoped in another stroke of luck.   


Despite the fact that it required me to gain some momentum as well, she probably realised too late. Or maybe she didn’t care at all.   


I pierced her hand from side to side. 

The knife plunged in her palm, and burrowing the flesh it emerged from the back of her hand. Blood started to gush quietly, as Toji looked at the wound with a startled expression. Using that delay in reaction to my advantage, I pushed her away. And once the pain seemed to kick in, I threw myself at Toji with all my might. As unstable as she was, forcing her against the ground proved easier than expected. I firmly gripped the dagger’s handle, pushing the tip of the knife on the ground to prevent her from moving.   


Gritting her teeth, she resisted.   
She tried to push in the opposite direction with her other hand, but she couldn’t possibly overcome me. She tried to wiggle out, perhaps hoping that I was petite and light enough that she could just shake me off. It became obvious that Toji was wildly underestimating the toll on her body. Even if she couldn’t feel the pain, it was still affecting her.   
“Will you just listen to me now?!”   
I yelled over her screams and grunts.   
Watching her fight and struggle, and fighting and struggling myself –   
“Please, stop.”   
I felt overwhelmed with sadness.   
My feelings for Toji weren’t the same I nurtured for Shinsho. Maybe I didn’t understand her, maybe I couldn’t see eye to eye with her – but I knew she had an all-devouring darkness within her that would one day swallow her whole.   
That didn’t justify her actions.   
It didn’t change what she did.   
Or what she was willing to do.   
Even so, even as flawed and terrible as she was –  
I didn’t hate her.   
“You will never surpass your mentor. Quite honestly… you’re just like him.”   


Upon hearing those words, Toji finally fell quiet.   
Her hair was a mess of knots and blood.   


“How can you ever be better than him if you keep making the same mistakes? Who the hell cares if you defeated a dragon?!”   
I hurled those words before I could even think of what to say next, my chest aching at every breath. My hands shook but I didn’t loosen my grip one bit.  
“If you want to be better than him, then you shouldn’t be like him at all.”   
_Someone who couldn’t love you.  
Someone who couldn’t protect you.  
Someone who couldn’t nurture you.   
Someone –_ __who couldn’t and wouldn’t take care of you.  
Someone who used you.   
And would trample on you.   
Someone who saw you as a means to an end.   
“They are all waiting for you to come back.”   
Defeating those oddities wasn’t going to change a single damn thing. If she really wanted to surpass her teacher, if she really wanted to prove she was better than him –   
If she didn’t want to be swallowed whole by the lies she kept telling herself –   
She had to protect them.  
She had to nurture them.  
To take care of them.   
She had to love those girls.   


She had to become someone for them, the kind of person she never had.   


I couldn’t imagine anything more difficult, more excruciating.   


But I trusted Toji could do it, on her own terms.   


I finally let go of the dagger once she stopped struggling.   


“Can you let Ginko go?”   
Can you let your past go?  
Your grudges, your remorses, your pain.   
These feelings shackling you –  
Will you let them go?   


Toji didn’t answer, not out loud.   


However, the glance she gave me was more than enough.   


She realised, as we all did, that from that moment we could only move forward. 


	17. 017

Toji formally agreed to return Ginko her scales.   


A gentle light sept through the mist, until the smoke and the fog finally lifted up. Hime came running towards us, and the frown of concern furrowing her eyebrows was a quite novel sight. However, that worry was replaced with relief once she realised everything went according to the plan – more or less. She extended her hand to Toji to help her stand up.   
“I won’t apologise for shooting you.”   
_ Classic.  _ I doubted anyone expected any different, Toji included. In fact, she chuckled tiredly.   
“You always do what you must.”   
Ginko also approached us, running towards Hime to greet her with a hug. Hime didn’t seem to appreciate, and she tried to push Ginko away till she had no choice but to give in, returning that gesture of affection with a pat on her head. She mumbled something along the lines of “You made us worry, airhead.”  
What a grouch.   
“Where were you even –”   
I still couldn’t explain how she successfully managed to shot that arrow with such precision.Of course it dawned on me too late, but once it did I simply couldn’t figure out how she pulled it off.  
“Sometimes, a perspective from the outside offers the best point of view on the problem.”   
The way she puffed out her chest made me think she was very proud of her metaphor. Apparently, despite what it looked like from the inside the mist phenomenon was restricted only to the temple grounds. Moreover, after some climbing on the closest tree Hime had a nice view of the situation.   
“You probably thought the _ mist _ was an effect of the dragon’s presence, but surely such a thing did not happen when you first encountered it, did it?” Toji still had enough strength to be sassy with her explanations, despite the knife stuck in her hand. I must admit I was filled with admiration. “I set it all up.”    


_ This is my element. _

She did say that.   


After fixing her hair, as though to give herself some sense of composure, Toji continued.   
“Anyway, I have one condition before returning the scales.”   
Ginko had finally let go Hime, focusing her attention on Toji.   
“What is it?”   
“I need one – no, even half will suffice.” She didn’t seem intentioned to explain any more, but confronted with our puzzled expressions she could only sigh and explain her reasons. “I used those scales for my remedy.”   
Oh. That did make a bit of sense.   
“I agree.”   


Again, Ginko replied quite formally to Toji. I found that surprising – not because she used to act with more familiarity, but how to put it? It was as though the relationship they had to this moment never existed in the first place. I couldn’t tell if it was due to what Toji did to her, which would be perfectly understandable; or if she simply re-established the boundaries that initially existed between them.   
Regardless, what mattered was that Ginko and Toji agreed on that condition.   
“I’ll help her go back now. Is there anything else you need?”   
Both Ginko and I shook our heads, when suddenly Ginko changed her mind.   
“Actually – could you tell the others I said goodbye?”   
“Are you leaving already?”   
It didn’t really show on Hime’s face, but – I think she was also taken aback.   
I was taken aback.   
“I am.” Ginko bowed to Hime, her voice cracked with subtle sadness. “I am glad I met you all. I am glad I met _you_.”   
Hime clicked her tongue, showing us her back as she started to head back home with Toji.   
“Don’t talk like we’re never going to meet again.”   
We watched those two in silence for a few moments, before Ginko turned towards me.   
“Will you come to the temple with me?”   
I nodded, and followed her along.   


There we also found the blue dragon, that was crouched right close to the temple – perhaps protecting its contents. Only then I could realise the extent of the damage. There was no longer a roof, and the front wall had been partially blown away. Ironically, the door frame was still standing, defiant.   


Ginko approached the dragon, gently brushing its face.   
“Doesn’t it burn?”   
I actually gasped loudly when I saw her touch it – him? her? them? Even though it didn’t happen on our first encounter, I was fairly certain its body temperature had raised considerably earlier. That wasn’t a creature you wanted to touch with your bare hands.   
“Oh, it’s fine. It’s true these are flames, but they don’t always burn. He – we can control it.”   
The dragon peeked at me, but he quickly averted his gaze, utterly uninterested.   
“Can I touch him?”  
I wasn’t sure whether it was offensive to ask, but I did it anyway.   
“He doesn’t mind. I talked a lot about you to him.”  
Now, that was embarrassing. But since it was alright to touch, I reached out for the dragon. Despite being told, I was surprised that it didn’t burn.   
He was… fluffy!  
So cute!   
“Toji mentioned you are related to him, but how exactly?”   
“He is my older brother.”   
Crushed by that piece of information, my instinct was to retract my hand – but would it be ruder if I did that? I tried to hide my uneasiness, but I feared Ginko noticed. She didn’t point it out, though. Instead, she filled in a few more holes in the story.   
“Toji’s mentor was posing a threat to our community. We were surprised when Toji contacted us, proposing we make a contract. We fulfilled our share, but she had no qualms about betraying our trust.”   
“I see. How did she...?”   
Earlier, Ginko did say the same trick wouldn’t work twice.   
“Witchcraft we weren’t familiar with. That woman has plenty of tricks up her sleeve.”   
Witchcraft, huh – Toji did have some witchy vibes. I did wonder, though, why she kept that knowledge a secret from us. Ginko more likely didn’t know either, so I didn’t ask. And I didn’t think I would ever ask Toji either.   
In the end… it didn’t matter.   


We frolicked outside a little longer, catching up on the small things that happened in the meanwhile. Ginko was mad I still had doubts about my  _ dream _ . As I suspected, that was  _ their _ preferred method of communication. It was more akin to a vision, but it wasn’t quite that either. Accepting that experience for what it was was just a better option than trying to make sense of it using words.   
“On that day, when I left with my brother, that’s how he talked to me, too. It didn’t occur to me that it was all happening in my head.”   
“You could have at least said that much, you know.”   
I pretended to be angry, but Ginko took me seriously.   
“I’m so sorry about it!”   
She bowed profusely and repeatedly, and she only stopped when I told her I was joking. She puffed her cheeks, saying how it was unfair of me to tease her like that.   
_ So I am the unfair one  _ –  _ really?  _

We were both trying to buy time.   
But soon we had to get inside the temple.  
Ginko had to reunite herself with what belonged to her.   


We left her brother behind, and we entered the building. For the first time its walls were immersed in a dimly golden light. At the end of the aisle, the dragon statue that had been concealed in the semi-darkness glimmered beautifully.   
We quietly walked closer, until we stopped right in front of it.   
“What’s your brother’s name, anyway? Toji kept calling him the blue dragon, and I thought she was hiding it for some nefarious reason.”   
I broke the silence, knowing that my time with Ginko was coming to an end. Yes, I wasn’t making the best use of that time, but it was the best I could do.   
“It’s ⬛⬛⬛⬛.”  
I squinted.  
Hard.  
“What?”    
“⬛⬛⬛⬛.”   
I didn’t catch it again, but I was too embarrassed to ask her to repeat it. Seeing my face, Ginko laughed cheerfully.   
“I don’t think she hid it from you. I think she simply didn’t understand it either.”   
So not only did they have some mind language, they had proper dragon language? Even though Ginko kept laughing at me for a while, I couldn’t help but feel fairly fascinated.   
“So, what’s your real name?”   
Upon hearing my question, Ginko fell silent again. She averted her gaze, tightly joining her hands together.   
“My real name doesn’t matter.” She glanced at me, her eyes shimmering and her cheeks bright red. “ _ Ginko _ is the name I came to love – because of you.”    


My heart skipped a beat, before it began to drum loudly.   


Before my thoughts could catch up with my feelings, I reached out for her hand, interlocking our fingers.   


We still didn’t dare to look at each other.   


“You know,” Ginko said, the words rolling out her mouth unsteadily, “we don’t need to part ways.”   
“Mh?”   
Her hand was warm. A touch that burnt more than dipping my hand in the dragon’s blazing blue flames. Probably.   
“I told you, didn’t I? You and I – we are similar.”   
I was still unsure about that part. I never truly understood what she meant, but even Toji seemed to liken me to Ginko.   
“What do you mean? I assure you I’m not a dragon.”   
“Think of it this way,” Ginko’s voice was more firm, but she still didn’t even peek at me, “the supernatural world is not a completely separate entity from the world of humans. The supernatural is a matter of degrees – that’s what allows a few humans to interact with it. Toji’s witchcraft is entirely dependent on her ability to reach beyond the curtain between these two worlds.” She paused shortly, perhaps collecting her thoughts. “And in-between, surely more supernatural than human, yet not entirely inhuman – there is us.”  
I allowed myself to ponder on those words. It was hard to wrap my head around the idea – it’s not like I had some special powers or whatever. Although a god intervened in my birth, I was still a measly human.   
As if reading my mind, Ginko answered to my thoughts.   
“As I said, it’s a matter of degree. Besides, you don’t know yourself how your _origin_ is going to affect you eventually. Especially if you stay in this line of work.”   
I finally looked at Ginko.   
“I cannot come with you.”   


It hurt – so much.   
To say those words, to let her go –   
The loud drumming of my heart turned into a shrieking shattering.   


“I thought so.” Ginko smiled softly, saddened and yet understanding. “It will be hard to go back to my princess duties on my own.”   
“That does sound – wait, what?! Princess?!”   
I yelled those words, that’s how surprised I was.   
“Oh it’s nothing quite as formal as being a human noble.”   
Perhaps seeing how shock turned me into stone, Ginko attempted to tone down her statement. Then, noticing how that hardly fixed anything, she returned to the previous topic.    
“As Hime said – I am sure we will meet again.”   
I came back to my senses, and I felt the tears stinging my eyes again.   


I swallowed both those feelings and my earlier consternation.   


“Hey –”   
Ginko waited for me to continue. Not looking away in that moment might have been one of the toughest things I have ever done.   
“Can I return that kiss?”   
Ginko blushed again, but she also did her hardest to stare at me.   
“Yes.”   


I leant towards her, hesitating a moment a hairsbreadth away from her lips.   


Yes, I did like Ginko.   
I loved her.   


I kissed her finally knowing that. 


	18. 018

Ginko left shortly after.   


She returned to her duties, and we returned to tending to Nure Temple. To fix the place, and to mend the bonds between all of us  – doing all that took time.   


By the way, when you think about it the name Nure Temple starts to make sense. I began to believe that perhaps that name was not given out of malice, but rather that it was based on facts.   
Snakes and dragons are not that different.   
Maybe I was being overly optimistic, but I thought there was a chance that someone did witness Ginko’s transformation. After that, the rumour spread like every rumour, it became a living thing of its own, and its origin was quickly forgotten.   


Speaking of Ginko, I deeply missed her in the months that followed, but the work helped me deal with those feelings. I didn’t tell anyone about them – about us. However, Hime was quick to figure me out. I briefly mentioned what happened to her, but all she said was that she knew all along.   
And then, she said –  
_ Fucking finally.    
_

Anyway.

While Toji was quick to forgive and forget what happened between us, rebuilding my relationship with the other girls (minus Hime) proved to be the most arduous task. Hyouko and Chisako were the quickest at understanding me; Hyouko perhaps even agreed with me, while I believe Chisako was just glad it was all over. Michiko and Yukiko needed to brood over it a while longer. Eventually, Yukiko came to terms with what happened; surely she was just glad everything turned out for the best in the end. However, Michiko never really accepted it.   


I did wonder, though.   
I didn’t think she couldn’t accept what I did.   
I think she was struggling with her own wounds, and with that new chance she had.  
A chance at moving forward.  
A chance at happiness.   


I never forced things with her, and since she preferred to keep her distance from me I simply accepted her wish.    


After all, she wouldn’t have to bear with my presence forever.  
Once everything returned to normal, I decided I wanted to leave.   


When I announced to Toji my decision, she didn’t seem too surprised.   
“I never thought you’d stay for too long,” she told me, kiseru in hand once again. “It makes me wonder if you’re not just afraid of losing everything over and over, hence leaving to prevent that from happening.”   
“Even if I nurtured such a feeling, experience showed me that leaving won’t prevent anything.”   
“That’s very true.” Toji chuckled. “Hopefully, you’ll be able to stop somewhere, someday.”   
Truth be told, I wasn’t sure myself of the feelings moving me. I only knew that, if I had to make sense of myself, of who I am, then I had to go find it.   


Find the sense, the reasons.   
Find myself.   


Sooner than later I was ready to leave.   


It was at dawn on a summer day.   


I was giving a last look at the restored temple and the house, saying goodbye in my heart. I watched as the whole place was doused in golden light, still standing despite the storm it went through.   
I knew I would hold the memories of my time spent there close to my heart.   
The memory of Toji, who could finally become a mother. The memory of Michiko, who will never be a sister again, perhaps, but who still had a chance at love; and Chisako, who had to regain the lightness of her childhood; and Yukiko who needed to learn to fight not just for others, but for herself; and Hyouko, who needed to learn how to share her burdens.   


The memory of my first love –   


And Hime? Oh, well.    


As I was about to leave I saw someone emerging from that light –  
I saw her.   
She was running towards me, carrying a few things herself and her bow.   
“Why the hell did you have to wake up so early?!”   
I frowned.   
“Why the hell are you angry about it?”   
She took some time to catch her breath. Given her hair and overall appearance, it was obvious she had been on a rush.   
“I’m coming with you.”  
Somehow, that didn’t startle me. Despite the fact I had no clue of her reasons, despite the fact that she didn’t betray any intention of tagging along in the past months.   
Somehow, that seemed like a natural fact. An obvious consequence.   


I had no complaints about it.   


“Let’s go.” 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Smoke Story](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19712266) by [gene_v](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gene_v/pseuds/gene_v)
  * [The House Where Nothing Happened](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19843819) by [gene_v](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gene_v/pseuds/gene_v)




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